Wanderlust

Most people who know me know I like to travel. Folks are always asking where I've been and where I'm going. The questions sometimes embarrass me as some make it sound like I'm frittering away money or discontent with staying in one place. But seeing the world is one of the top experiences that brings me true delight.

Wanderlust is typically defined as a strong desire or craving to travel. A German equivalent means an ache for distant places and perfectly describes this thing inside of me that has been so hard to verbalize. This thing, this ache makes me very often think of other places and spaces, worlds and people, time zones and natural phenomena spanning this great big Earth.

I get emails about travel, a couple of brochures, sometimes magazines, follow a few companies and even countries on Facebook, fairly often search for plane tickets or destinations' climates or organizations allowing ecotourism or volunteer opportunities. I have more links bookmarked than I care to admit. If I wasn't so enraptured with X, Y, and Z that bind me here, I would apply to The World Race to spend 11 months in 11 countries learning about their culture and society, serving and loving. If you mention a country or landmark or some news event, chances are high it will stick with me for a long while. I will probably research whatever.it.is. and daydream.

The draw is not waning to check every US state off my list (though I am aiming to) or visit many of the
1,000 Places to See Before You Die (though I do have a copy...or maybe Sarah has it...and am checking off places) or want to visit as many countries as possible. It is because I am invigorated and alive when I wander this planet. Waterfalls, rivers, oceans, trees, flowers, changing leaves, Spring grass, fog lifting, sunsets over a mountainous horizon, birds, bears, cracks in dried earth, natural bridges and arches. Saris and burqas, ponchos and fanny packs, knees covered and midriffs bared, accents and sayings, customs and traditions, places of worship and places of squalor, posh High Tea and free parks and museums, plains, trains, and automobiles. I love it all. 

It peaks my curiosity and satisfies it too. It scares me and entices me. It begs me to be bold and adventurous while encouraging my quiet reverence. I see the people and places my Creator made and loves. I see what He designed with artistic passion, having fresh eyes when I go open-mindedly. When I leave my couch, I feel and see and hear Him. I retreat by going forward and outward. Traveling nourishes my soul in ways I have not experienced otherwise. Even for that reason alone, I go.

Last week, upon arriving in Illinois to visit my dad's side of the family, we went to one of our usual restaurants for dinner. The place isn't fancy and sits in the middle of some premature corn fields. Nearing the end of our meal, I saw this peeking through the blinds, hopped up, and dashed outside for a picture. I call it, Extraordinary in the Ordinary, and I'm glad He was keeping my eyes open.

      

Hope anyway

My online friend posted a necklace for sale from one of her friends. The proceeds will go to a new mom in Cambodia. She was a sex worker and meth addict, and her son was not supposed to live. My friend is connected with people who are caring for this new mom and her baby and has been posting prayer requests for the whole lot of 'em. I saw the necklace and wanted needed one (and this new mom and baby need help). Then, I wrote to my friend to tell her I'd sent the money but had more pressing on me to say. I think it is a good summary of where I've been lately, so I share below.

I had been so discouraged and disappointed that I think I stopped dreaming and hoping. Did a lot of grappling with that last year. I thought I was content before that, but I think it was self-protection. This year and especially lately it's been dream anyway, hope anyway. Focus on the process, on Christ, be present. Sure, there may be disappointment, hurt, frustration, loss, grief, but what God has for me is right here and right now. I hope because He promises good, He gives me dreams, He asks for reckless abandon. Being afraid of the unknown future or wanting to avoid pain by numbing myself now won't help the future and it surely doesn't help the present. So, I hope anyway.

Jumbles!

It has been so long, hasn't it? I'm going to give you a jumble!

• I have been finishing a bunch of books lately (a perk of reading multiple at a time). Most surprising: Frankenstein. Surprising because I enjoyed it. I engaged with the characters and found myself talking to them. Another I'm reading is The Wife Life by my online pal, Marla. It's an e-book and released as an edited reflection on her previous book From Blushing Bride to Wedded Wife. I've read all of Marla's books, except the baby ones. She kept having contests and also sells her e-books unbelievably cheap. And she's interesting, thoughtful, real, and conversational. I like how it is so realistic. There are no empty words of telling others it is as simple as loving each other. She goes through real issues, real problems and fights, real reconciliation.    
• I've been attending my wellness class for several months. The classroom portion is over now, but there is plenty in the gym and one on one counseling sessions. I love my counselor. We talk about so many things. Last week, we were just talking about how life is going, and I told her that in some ways I am disappointed. I feel like my daily actions are different than before the program and I'm meeting good and healthful/balanced goals but I don't look/seem much different. We talked through a lot of that, which isn't really the point of this bit I'm sharing. Her response is. She said, "Andrea, it IS frustrating and disappointing. It is okay to say you are disappointed, frustrated, hurt, angry...because you are. Those are real reactions to real life. Frustration, pain, and disappointment are part of this process. Don't fight it. Feel it." We talked a lot about life as process, habit forming, major changes, etc and moving through the feelings as part of the process, part of the healing, part of the changed habits and life, part of the reconciliation. It was glorious and so many truths for so many levels of life issues. So applicable. And I might not look or seem much different, but I feel like I carry a different peace and hope. That will be enough for now.
• So, you remember how I told you I am going to Nicaragua this summer? Well, update: I'm not. Maybe God just wanted to see if I would follow through on something He was prompting. Maybe there is another thing on the horizon or somewhere else He wants me in early August. Who knows? But I do thank you for your prayers for the group as we were gathering our bearings and making plans.
• Tonight I was thinking about being faithful. In a marriage, it is usually referring to fidelity which means the same thing but we use it when talking about not having sex with someone who is not your spouse. But what is "faithful" or "fidelity" or "loyalty" or "devotion"? Trustworthiness, commitment. It is being full of faith in someone. It is not just not finding someone else to have sex with. It is being their encouragement, being their cheerleader, not assuming that his or her plan or efforts will fail. To be full of faith in your spouse, you are essentially saying that they can do and be this person you probably had on the pedestal when you were initially dating. You are saying they are better than their flaws and mistakes. You are saying they have a capability and character beyond their sin. Man, that seems hard.