tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71421713011115243242024-03-05T20:26:38.502-05:00easily amusedAndreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.comBlogger957125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-79939775680313347212024-01-15T23:55:00.002-05:002024-01-15T23:55:24.211-05:00love grows here and now<p>Time is an odd concept. Sometimes it feels like it passes fast, and sometimes it feels slower. Slower than slow, just creeping along. We count it in years, minutes, months, moments, seconds, memories, eras, moon phases.</p><p></p><blockquote>"No one sees a flower, not really," wrote the painter Georgia O'Keefe. "To look at a flower takes time, like having a friend takes time." Everyday I hear people say, I don't have time. I'm out of time." I say it myself, but the bald truth is that I have all the time there is. I do not have any more or less than Mother Teresa or my six-month-old nephew. I just make different decisions about how I will use it.</blockquote><p></p><blockquote><p> Bread of Angels, Barbara Brown Taylor, page 158</p></blockquote><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIXLAp-XV3QKUGCe-N6s__R05002kyYFffMFOzKjp30oYvEDOUfLhoErZP9sorSrlSDYawY6nRtD-BXr6JItCmM2aATfL_L8zZWzqimWtEZtgPDf59o-7sncj9fXHjhgUb7yFJ0pmlNQQYDD4nG1ed3KLPWZL2PWAag3PorjZcTB1_NlqVKclU468Y6qU/s4000/20240101_135535.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="3000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIXLAp-XV3QKUGCe-N6s__R05002kyYFffMFOzKjp30oYvEDOUfLhoErZP9sorSrlSDYawY6nRtD-BXr6JItCmM2aATfL_L8zZWzqimWtEZtgPDf59o-7sncj9fXHjhgUb7yFJ0pmlNQQYDD4nG1ed3KLPWZL2PWAag3PorjZcTB1_NlqVKclU468Y6qU/w240-h320/20240101_135535.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>Shortly after the kids moved in, I ordered a growth chart for the wall. We would count time in inches. When it arrived, we took our first height measurement and then we marked it around the beginning of the next year after we missed it on New Year's Day. Ryan became unusually quiet and reflective later that afternoon and expressed that he couldn't believe and wished he hadn't only been here for two marks. Us too.<p></p><p>I offered to make marks for the past 2 years of records I had for them and promised we would have many more markings to come--New Year's, July 1, birthdays. But for a while, we just needed to sit there and grieve that our time together began around 4'8".</p><p>A few weeks ago, I learned of the unexpected death of someone I've known since elementary school. It was shocking for everyone he knew, and I found myself saddened especially for his kids. I hung up the call with my mom and went to Suzanna's room for the end of story time. When I leaned over to give her a hug and kiss goodnight, I had the clearest, most profound moment of "<i>This.</i> This is all there is. Right here, right now. This moment of presence and being here with the life and people I have and not worrying about tomorrow or to-dos. Remember to soak it in."</p><p>Isn't that the daily challenge? Directing your focus away from the urgent to the important, from things and stuff to people, from past and future to present. How we use and view our time is a constant thought, especially as we greet a new year and reflect on the previous year. No matter how we measure time (cue <i>Seasons of Love</i> from Rent), I need to continue to remember that love grows here and now.</p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-46581110775598045862023-11-09T23:19:00.003-05:002023-11-10T09:18:04.433-05:00Celebrating Adoption: World Adoption Day<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Today is World Adoption Day. Last year at this time, we were just approaching the time we could officially file our intention to adopt. In Virginia, children have to be placed within your home for six months before the paperwork can be submitted to the courts, which is a long process within a long process within other long processes. This journey has been long and twisty turny, sweet and frustrating, wonderful and sad. It is all the emotions, all the energy, all the ups and downs, all the usual child development/normal kid stuff, all the taxiing and activities, all the case appointments. It is sleepless nights, therapies, difficult conversations, and awkward assumptions and discussions.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It is also joy beyond measure, hearts opening in ways we never knew they could, being amazed, proud, and grateful, learning to know and love one another, shock and awe when one of the lessons or skills you have been working on seems to have "taken" or when you get a report from schools and camps and others that demonstrates such growth. It is dance parties in the kitchen, giggles throughout the house, constant music with banged piano keys, strummed strings of a ukulele he built with his own hands, the scratch and then smooth bowing of a viola, recorders, pencil drumsticks, humming and singing song lyrics over and over and over and over again. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">At one point of our lives, our home felt big, empty, cold, and quiet. It's definitely no longer oversized or empty as the rooms are brimming with toys, clothes we quickly grow into and out of, pictures they've made or are in with family and friends, and tinker crate and Lego projects they've built. It is no longer quiet either--all that music, chatter, playing, going in and out of the door, and little ones just wanting attention and someone to play with or give them math problems or talk about their latest obsessions with the periodic table. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The pictures below have been a long time coming...six months, in fact. We knew that we wanted to celebrate the adoption once we could announce it, and we made loose plans and gathered ideas. In some foster and adoption groups I am part of, they recommended not making a big deal of the adoption. But the kids wanted to celebrate this major news, and Matt and I did too. He and I made a big deal out of the two of us joining together as a family in marriage with a ceremony and reception. It seemed to us that adding two more to our family through such a commitment ceremony was just as important and special to mark and celebrate with a day of fun and games. Once we had our court date set, our plans went superspeed ahead to plan a party that would match our joy and gratitude for our officially doubled family.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We wanted to include people who have surrounded us over the past several years--family, friends, church members, case workers, therapists, neighbors, and teachers. Some people sent regular texts to check in, some made meals, some showed up to love the kids with books, games, or gifts. We invited friends from the kids' previous town, friends they have made this year who have made the transition more bearable, all those friends' families who also demonstrate love and care through encouraging words, snapping pictures on field trips, or reaching out for playdates. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My hope was that during the day, our kids would look around at all of the people who showed up that day (even though a number of special people were not able to join us and we obviously could not invite everyone that has meant so much to us) and know that they are loved and supported by us...and by so many others. That is why this post is about our big life-changing year through adoption but also the village that surrounds us. These pictures are all from our celebration and selected as they show people "surrounding" members of our little family. Do you know what Ryan said when we got in the car to head home that day? "Wow. This was the best day ever! Did you see how many people showed up for us?? So many people wanted to celebrate with us!" Adoption has forever changed our family.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The final picture is of us at a recent wedding in the photobooth since we actually didn't capture one of us from the celebration. We are very serious about having fun together.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWQ8WC4zckE4Ab5u7tzxl0CvSuvtCZZGQ4zr5tFC7x_nf13GmpccFscjPC2C9iqaU2JjW-gUXay7KH_hCDi1WZBr5H6m6seW_OqsD2L1gai20N4ghpQeVHXjpANYlKKjWrRIZzD82fR0ZKLCbPr6ba6o9C0RarOMWn_O2Q9cyNnHpO1cTCY6cAa56G43c/s5842/Zimmerman%20Celebration-97.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3895" data-original-width="5842" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWQ8WC4zckE4Ab5u7tzxl0CvSuvtCZZGQ4zr5tFC7x_nf13GmpccFscjPC2C9iqaU2JjW-gUXay7KH_hCDi1WZBr5H6m6seW_OqsD2L1gai20N4ghpQeVHXjpANYlKKjWrRIZzD82fR0ZKLCbPr6ba6o9C0RarOMWn_O2Q9cyNnHpO1cTCY6cAa56G43c/w640-h426/Zimmerman%20Celebration-97.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq_4bavTpiLBzT7R2p3uwPtkolc112fQJDHlijpMdOse0g52Cwyq4SeNCtfKJvaDT_3tgste0Vugme7BuV_0R1R4BOrlEcwFDI5HTQmgTtz0njM3NrE6QxY4DsTMlcvweADlm_y-6CMk8QUgv05GGdp9SOyWbmt_4vT1YRZJ7kvxSocjiKcsSExCPwcnE/s6000/Zimmerman%20Celebration-150.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="6000" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq_4bavTpiLBzT7R2p3uwPtkolc112fQJDHlijpMdOse0g52Cwyq4SeNCtfKJvaDT_3tgste0Vugme7BuV_0R1R4BOrlEcwFDI5HTQmgTtz0njM3NrE6QxY4DsTMlcvweADlm_y-6CMk8QUgv05GGdp9SOyWbmt_4vT1YRZJ7kvxSocjiKcsSExCPwcnE/s320/Zimmerman%20Celebration-150.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPmsSu7C37FJ9NN3Bry7bJBWjHgLZ6KgVuZyU9zoemqcIq60mjW8ZqDSjIhwFuV5FHaRkEJ-jelF-CklGtwGJmrgDYl9_9kWP6k9gKgw1MtILPkwYNT4PiUqhmROKHoA5tQTVLcy8sBrVsO6cf7BFOy728ckCeXPrtcBL4okFRDP0NngF2jRkFdTxCn5A/s5798/Zimmerman%20Celebration-61.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3865" data-original-width="5798" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPmsSu7C37FJ9NN3Bry7bJBWjHgLZ6KgVuZyU9zoemqcIq60mjW8ZqDSjIhwFuV5FHaRkEJ-jelF-CklGtwGJmrgDYl9_9kWP6k9gKgw1MtILPkwYNT4PiUqhmROKHoA5tQTVLcy8sBrVsO6cf7BFOy728ckCeXPrtcBL4okFRDP0NngF2jRkFdTxCn5A/s320/Zimmerman%20Celebration-61.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7C9M7JDaRl17U2bW0NXD9HtK3tmvuxQNZWQYxvCIag0thjCzHto6C35J9dLUK3tmKtzoXgMnRDO86dSrtJ_Ymxdv54M6LG-JvFISwRC76bbhd1untII9vv_orEEGAvbJB-QPUrrOCqnBB5sNHGw5aca_Fpj3dlm07wfH7Ps2M9n8xFFs1Gtk3VyxjJYM/s6000/Zimmerman%20Celebration-170.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="6000" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7C9M7JDaRl17U2bW0NXD9HtK3tmvuxQNZWQYxvCIag0thjCzHto6C35J9dLUK3tmKtzoXgMnRDO86dSrtJ_Ymxdv54M6LG-JvFISwRC76bbhd1untII9vv_orEEGAvbJB-QPUrrOCqnBB5sNHGw5aca_Fpj3dlm07wfH7Ps2M9n8xFFs1Gtk3VyxjJYM/s320/Zimmerman%20Celebration-170.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvJfrgLR-nqQepPzhtZwexBcQaXNqaS3MUuM5j6wRkZ0vV95EWbEjhijZ1oGskMgIWeVazshBDkex_YnGrbMsMidlfY5D2WJK33xKgvNj65Qvjj3QObX1MZd7H04Vu9GJXHsy2Nd940ZSvM3stZ4eQiWuqTrJLyyH9yS2G_b0Iditf9tYxC_r51xpzbs8/s800/20230513120458_P2.bmp" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvJfrgLR-nqQepPzhtZwexBcQaXNqaS3MUuM5j6wRkZ0vV95EWbEjhijZ1oGskMgIWeVazshBDkex_YnGrbMsMidlfY5D2WJK33xKgvNj65Qvjj3QObX1MZd7H04Vu9GJXHsy2Nd940ZSvM3stZ4eQiWuqTrJLyyH9yS2G_b0Iditf9tYxC_r51xpzbs8/s320/20230513120458_P2.bmp" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1c2HybvA9UjUNhQvRUiP_iNor1lZKDw5caluA2e0VLMUjtaA9ss0zyONDqfpkBgBwGXVgDmrYoV5f2FC33P5lWxbzIAgqVss4WxuqFWp7wDISvB-KRWgt0Ih_GW6mNMdso-zoZpBkq970SyZuxdqS6wuy7jwtP14eTwgFp427irxPY4E4q4kpD0mu24s/s800/20230513120838_P1.bmp" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1c2HybvA9UjUNhQvRUiP_iNor1lZKDw5caluA2e0VLMUjtaA9ss0zyONDqfpkBgBwGXVgDmrYoV5f2FC33P5lWxbzIAgqVss4WxuqFWp7wDISvB-KRWgt0Ih_GW6mNMdso-zoZpBkq970SyZuxdqS6wuy7jwtP14eTwgFp427irxPY4E4q4kpD0mu24s/s320/20230513120838_P1.bmp" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYrFBTxBG5MERJqf_yVkuSREi-6u6d_Fa-yrE8hvWVkFRcrdwn6SGBlLp3HHGm2mthznfB7AWV3Oj_Il7LxQ-B0Q08R4r28zjrmBf9O4qh4seQajvcBwQe6XtOGs74beEZFM5L4ryI9kP-toSIkqWLVguqZHSJWWMeJ27L2FnT8SuIoFlF2SIKPm3AVc0/s6000/Zimmerman%20Celebration-12.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="6000" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYrFBTxBG5MERJqf_yVkuSREi-6u6d_Fa-yrE8hvWVkFRcrdwn6SGBlLp3HHGm2mthznfB7AWV3Oj_Il7LxQ-B0Q08R4r28zjrmBf9O4qh4seQajvcBwQe6XtOGs74beEZFM5L4ryI9kP-toSIkqWLVguqZHSJWWMeJ27L2FnT8SuIoFlF2SIKPm3AVc0/s320/Zimmerman%20Celebration-12.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKSe1UH0MuqLz4xBPdcrWcoJeiN7LnhpBh-LIMOg87XkostQmlbVVhnxjOrZY7AE9mNFXVTFa5xOt0-qbQo4Dy9XCU1SXLkE_0OASqRFH3e6BK00okTcPqAHHD370qJCiAjtt-8h3gRBRkV6BRdd5Bs_ElMFqw6PPPPkkuopRnwTEeMus6-BGb5LkSH8o/s6000/Zimmerman%20Celebration-116.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="6000" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKSe1UH0MuqLz4xBPdcrWcoJeiN7LnhpBh-LIMOg87XkostQmlbVVhnxjOrZY7AE9mNFXVTFa5xOt0-qbQo4Dy9XCU1SXLkE_0OASqRFH3e6BK00okTcPqAHHD370qJCiAjtt-8h3gRBRkV6BRdd5Bs_ElMFqw6PPPPkkuopRnwTEeMus6-BGb5LkSH8o/s320/Zimmerman%20Celebration-116.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL3fRtDS9-NW_AbsWAnjx1HQFR3MteiKQLGsK0qPbQz_lLQybuKhLQXHbxFq7UPnHMClHNS6m7-1c7WPzxFJkHqzk5UNgnoZ2wVITKUtVW1QgzzYkHQQq005LECmcKBP9C0qxxecvRsvSe9dEJvLtkR_ZBiM2EjWD0zRmGnbCQxD1z9g4jUfTHxbcGbT4/s6000/Zimmerman%20Celebration-133.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="6000" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL3fRtDS9-NW_AbsWAnjx1HQFR3MteiKQLGsK0qPbQz_lLQybuKhLQXHbxFq7UPnHMClHNS6m7-1c7WPzxFJkHqzk5UNgnoZ2wVITKUtVW1QgzzYkHQQq005LECmcKBP9C0qxxecvRsvSe9dEJvLtkR_ZBiM2EjWD0zRmGnbCQxD1z9g4jUfTHxbcGbT4/s320/Zimmerman%20Celebration-133.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9r9YYiodduHXyIL-YdX7Xu03fssSKLddWabnuUbT6_EcB2Gefb0K9PcnHX-Z6blYum_3s37y1YTlXhDrYRspUVCfHdsdenDEk7JXYsrNLwHJsz7mX_YWaOO8nJ2LAEShzDl3t8xGL614rSF2AQPBOnEQcrWzt4qAu_fevHc29hni-UJLNj6i70FcZFEM/s4032/20230513_123342.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9r9YYiodduHXyIL-YdX7Xu03fssSKLddWabnuUbT6_EcB2Gefb0K9PcnHX-Z6blYum_3s37y1YTlXhDrYRspUVCfHdsdenDEk7JXYsrNLwHJsz7mX_YWaOO8nJ2LAEShzDl3t8xGL614rSF2AQPBOnEQcrWzt4qAu_fevHc29hni-UJLNj6i70FcZFEM/s320/20230513_123342.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinogOac52DV-obVn2iOZSKN6MT8c1k8fahoPtm7sPQE7KuKSWpuEyh97Py95rkjbPeZOY6m7K0Iw8W7BGC2DxD8UjZmiyuDzWtEIivh285csmwrYoeYw237bXo97iV__uP9Z6fVnOz1X105SMiu31zQueDGwkgQpzmgKmvot2LiqcYySbJPjjh5cGA9FU/s320/50249.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="230" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinogOac52DV-obVn2iOZSKN6MT8c1k8fahoPtm7sPQE7KuKSWpuEyh97Py95rkjbPeZOY6m7K0Iw8W7BGC2DxD8UjZmiyuDzWtEIivh285csmwrYoeYw237bXo97iV__uP9Z6fVnOz1X105SMiu31zQueDGwkgQpzmgKmvot2LiqcYySbJPjjh5cGA9FU/s1600/50249.jpeg" width="230" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3WuP9KpXUK55zrzvKiQgPimBQL0zSz0F-aQ8UTFFZIfmTGFNDeqXKadsBufD4IO39Aov02xxBam0hjr-Fo5Vyqm4wck-1kH-TI4rSeHcFFgTgTU_08x4Pg8puRzCYZWzacTMkt2nr_utW8Q6vORr5TZktyIhWBfx5_G7uHNYADZwbZqkffLVEVRMKxZg/s480/50250.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="359" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3WuP9KpXUK55zrzvKiQgPimBQL0zSz0F-aQ8UTFFZIfmTGFNDeqXKadsBufD4IO39Aov02xxBam0hjr-Fo5Vyqm4wck-1kH-TI4rSeHcFFgTgTU_08x4Pg8puRzCYZWzacTMkt2nr_utW8Q6vORr5TZktyIhWBfx5_G7uHNYADZwbZqkffLVEVRMKxZg/s320/50250.jpeg" width="239" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVh5IUHMYHRHyNxQEOBKKYj_QeRY96Hb5foiSazAhe7EzvD7CGgKkIjR029Zc8aWpcabcbK6m83S8tcqIjnuFDVFPEmwKEnxDiGIfMwXzgb9V-QSm8KubX7woQP-QAPMdqkyj_6bQE_tsRjsvi33KE9xDRK0QqLqXAYsyQFWl3UnMxMxv0o9S1YIPSyoQ/s800/20230513112728_P1.bmp" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVh5IUHMYHRHyNxQEOBKKYj_QeRY96Hb5foiSazAhe7EzvD7CGgKkIjR029Zc8aWpcabcbK6m83S8tcqIjnuFDVFPEmwKEnxDiGIfMwXzgb9V-QSm8KubX7woQP-QAPMdqkyj_6bQE_tsRjsvi33KE9xDRK0QqLqXAYsyQFWl3UnMxMxv0o9S1YIPSyoQ/s320/20230513112728_P1.bmp" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdQu2bJU_XhopsjYqTxcx3LbAhtcpHbv6e0nOEh3G-W7kXpopKv-H4JJ6wZ5moAem3Vg7DONVkWGB-4jlbB85RzeH0k7zwGeWcH_8EVq5jHtJoaeZbe9xdcsJgEDUejm53nZtan4zK0QHxve4pqPYKhe9qrpJYeQmn2DhkCD1ZoebQEHpyfjKK9MHFY0U/s800/20230513112906_P3.bmp" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdQu2bJU_XhopsjYqTxcx3LbAhtcpHbv6e0nOEh3G-W7kXpopKv-H4JJ6wZ5moAem3Vg7DONVkWGB-4jlbB85RzeH0k7zwGeWcH_8EVq5jHtJoaeZbe9xdcsJgEDUejm53nZtan4zK0QHxve4pqPYKhe9qrpJYeQmn2DhkCD1ZoebQEHpyfjKK9MHFY0U/s320/20230513112906_P3.bmp" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdQu2bJU_XhopsjYqTxcx3LbAhtcpHbv6e0nOEh3G-W7kXpopKv-H4JJ6wZ5moAem3Vg7DONVkWGB-4jlbB85RzeH0k7zwGeWcH_8EVq5jHtJoaeZbe9xdcsJgEDUejm53nZtan4zK0QHxve4pqPYKhe9qrpJYeQmn2DhkCD1ZoebQEHpyfjKK9MHFY0U/s800/20230513112906_P3.bmp" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdQu2bJU_XhopsjYqTxcx3LbAhtcpHbv6e0nOEh3G-W7kXpopKv-H4JJ6wZ5moAem3Vg7DONVkWGB-4jlbB85RzeH0k7zwGeWcH_8EVq5jHtJoaeZbe9xdcsJgEDUejm53nZtan4zK0QHxve4pqPYKhe9qrpJYeQmn2DhkCD1ZoebQEHpyfjKK9MHFY0U/s800/20230513112906_P3.bmp" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfFrQoVGFHt8-U6u7I3FZ1dGViTTajNghEkxQdWa6NYmRT8aGprQBoek_3BeAivfz6oYrJVVMsK1DYGhBCAWobUiXukBMGI0FRkxHnxAEN3oV-ZuLbAwLvtpydlyzqIMsMSqNJuqqehleTvOjeL-zvmkF7pZw6IHLu93Zqzmq8hPnxg_qqU0NfZD9WDU8/s2430/20230927_205746.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1782" data-original-width="2430" height="470" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfFrQoVGFHt8-U6u7I3FZ1dGViTTajNghEkxQdWa6NYmRT8aGprQBoek_3BeAivfz6oYrJVVMsK1DYGhBCAWobUiXukBMGI0FRkxHnxAEN3oV-ZuLbAwLvtpydlyzqIMsMSqNJuqqehleTvOjeL-zvmkF7pZw6IHLu93Zqzmq8hPnxg_qqU0NfZD9WDU8/w640-h470/20230927_205746.jpg" width="640" /></a></div></div><br /> <p></p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-82978895584362851662023-10-18T22:29:00.001-04:002023-10-18T22:30:43.400-04:00This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.<div class="separator"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhafw-cGM8EQlDEn6sq4UYx4q8fO6RQzuCEHPJm53YWHU9FMVyNC8dH22umOev1DjDjJFEc0c57hoewOzyxRaMIzInC3JptEGpE-C8_GcgmYjLZA8ccVRPsImr-XoSM5kKy8oTMrVCdRFaPZL5n7DX27ixGNpVH8k4HKn1bp-L9JsG60yimsb_sztlekMI/s4000/20230917_105657.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhafw-cGM8EQlDEn6sq4UYx4q8fO6RQzuCEHPJm53YWHU9FMVyNC8dH22umOev1DjDjJFEc0c57hoewOzyxRaMIzInC3JptEGpE-C8_GcgmYjLZA8ccVRPsImr-XoSM5kKy8oTMrVCdRFaPZL5n7DX27ixGNpVH8k4HKn1bp-L9JsG60yimsb_sztlekMI/s320/20230917_105657.jpg" /></a></div><p></p>Recently, our children have taken on roles as acolytes in church services. An acolyte assists the pastor during the worship service, which often includes lighting candles.<br /><br />“Jesus said: <i>I am the light of the world</i>” (John 8:12). The presence of the light reminds us of Jesus coming into both our world and our lives and symbolizes Jesus coming into the presence of the worshipping community as the light is carried into the worship service. Two candles were originally used to simply provide enough light for the presider to see the liturgy well enough, but some also came to see those two candles as a reminder of the dual nature of Jesus, both human and divine. At the end of the service, the candles are extinguished with the candlelighter relit for the recessional, or processing out of the church, with light carried out into the world as a sign that Jesus Christ is for all people everywhere, and that Christ goes with his people into the world where they serve as his living body. <div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVsPbT5vjDLMHhFSMqlirMqneQxqC5igO7ZetqQXTKKgx-NxFc96SG113GTmNr1MbSMyN3YQBHVYvfYKKp_yLA5bmxnY1YFd_iWl6eNk3BLBEVcx7RKDnFQrP5WBzHnIL796WUgiYWz6Win3hwv6quOb5wHDiXrDqlDi1tRM2fECtQfqv1-w0ba194UVs/s4000/20230910_105815.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVsPbT5vjDLMHhFSMqlirMqneQxqC5igO7ZetqQXTKKgx-NxFc96SG113GTmNr1MbSMyN3YQBHVYvfYKKp_yLA5bmxnY1YFd_iWl6eNk3BLBEVcx7RKDnFQrP5WBzHnIL796WUgiYWz6Win3hwv6quOb5wHDiXrDqlDi1tRM2fECtQfqv1-w0ba194UVs/s320/20230910_105815.jpg" /></a>You may know this popular song.</div><div><div><div><i></i></div><blockquote><div><i>This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine, </i></div><div><i>This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine </i></div><div><i>This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine </i></div><div><i>Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Everywhere I go, I’m gonna let it shine </i></div><div><i>Everywhere I go, I’m gonna let it shine </i></div><div><i>Everywhere I go, I’m gonna let it shine </i></div><div><i>Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.</i></div>--Harold Dixon Loes</blockquote></div><div>We are so proud of both children for their willingness and desire to serve our church and God in this way. I am especially proud of how Ryan has sought to help and serve in the church for quite a while. Aside from taking his duties as acolyte very seriously, he asks where he can help and what more he can do. He played the recorder for an opening song. He offers to hold doors, set up chairs, set up for fellowship or potlucks, assist with the video and audio streaming equipment, co-wrote the Christmas pageant script, reads, suggests songs during the hymn sing, fetches paper towels to clean up someone else's spill, and so on. He has a caring heart, and it is beautiful to see it growing in love towards others. That is our continued prayer.</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikhe8ZELBmNsC58yvEUmBOBEG7I2XsmudY1wTpLU_uIwT_madUNcn7qmQq6Yg9xG92xNJpQAn2i5mu1DKXvl5vJQFLBUkkwqaJ6mu7mqg2h6N-Ktrtf7jKsh41HG8lvfpAfR8cLzljVqVfRHu1hx6ytEY7vKV45bBwNSs4DcnFkDX-7Fsp_05Y2_L7Jas/s4000/20231001_115544.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="3000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikhe8ZELBmNsC58yvEUmBOBEG7I2XsmudY1wTpLU_uIwT_madUNcn7qmQq6Yg9xG92xNJpQAn2i5mu1DKXvl5vJQFLBUkkwqaJ6mu7mqg2h6N-Ktrtf7jKsh41HG8lvfpAfR8cLzljVqVfRHu1hx6ytEY7vKV45bBwNSs4DcnFkDX-7Fsp_05Y2_L7Jas/s320/20231001_115544.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><i><blockquote>And you, beloved, are the light of the world. A city built on a hilltop cannot be hidden. Similarly it would be silly to light a lamp and then hide it under a bowl. When someone lights a lamp, she puts it on a table or a desk or a chair, and the light illumines the entire house. You are like that illuminating light. Let your light shine everywhere you go, that you may illumine creation, so men and women everywhere may see your good actions, may see creation at its fullest, may see your devotion to Me, and may turn and praise your Father in heaven because of it.</blockquote></i></div><div><div><blockquote>Matthew 5:14-16, from The Voice translation (No, not the TV show. Just a Bible translation I liked of these verses.)</blockquote></div></div></div></div>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-1155886336146220812023-10-10T23:25:00.001-04:002023-10-10T23:25:28.520-04:00Relatives, Relating, and Relationships<p></p>As we approached and settled into marriage, my husband and I talked extensively about family life. When would we expand? How many kids? Would either of us stay home? What if we couldn't have kids? We talked about when and juggled who was on board at the current time. I don't recall it coming up much with family other than gentle questions (and sometimes less gentle prodding or good intentioned jokes) about when we'd be adding to our household.<p></p><p>But life was what it was and is, and our path ventured toward foster care and adoption. By the time we had decided to commit, we had already been to multiple informational sessions for multiple agencies, filled out plenty of paperwork, and had training sessions on the calendar. We had to share the news with family sooner than we had anticipated because the agency was beginning to call our references. I wouldn't say the news was a super welcome surprise. They definitely had a lot of questions but desired to be supportive, even with all the uncertainty ahead.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><p></p><p>Our initial experiences and placement would have made anyone who saw a tiny bit of the picture concerned that we might continue to offer foster care. We did take a pause before reopening our home, which by the way does not stop the phone calls with requests for placements. We were in limbo for a while for an adoptive placement while other additional potential placements were requested, and by the time we were called to move ahead with the adoptive placement, we knew it would happen soon. Those days are a bit of a blur. I do remember some raised eyebrows and hesitation from extended family because no one really knew what was in store for us, a new family of semi-strangers. My husband and I were cautiously optimistic. </p><p>I do not recall asking our extended family how they felt becoming grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. again because some either shared their excitement and support or we could sense and sometimes hear the trepidation. We really desired that our extended family members and friends would get to know the kids and love them for however long they would be with us, hopefully through adoption and beyond. One day as I was answering my therapist's question about where we were going for an upcoming holiday and whether we would celebrate with any extended family, she interrupted and said, "You know, part of this whole transition is people realizing this is for a permanent family change, but part of it is also they have to learn to view you and your husband as parents and relate to you now in a different way. They have to shift to see you both...their daughter, son, sister, brother...as mom and dad to two little children and not temporary babysitters."</p><p>It takes time. Some days there is grief in that. My husband and I met and became parents later than we wanted. Our time with these kids started late. We missed a lot of life and milestones and personalities developing. Our extended families also missed a lot of life and milestones and watching the kids grow, and our parents are firmly in their 70s. We know it won't be long before our kids graduate and move onto other places and pursuits (though tonight, the littlest told us she is going to live with us as an adult, mostly we think because she's hoping dad will wake her up instead of having to start listening to the alarm clock. LOL!) There are moments when it feels like we are running out of time and need to buildbuildbuild relationships. But relationship building does not work that way so we invite and call and try to connect, we offer opportunities to visit and see one another and send messages and updates or pictures. </p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7tNF7mpk50sxlXSAzl_BAiO7Twaki_bKxyfQg5bOq886dmOhx7JlK1_SOw1BccwN4AItsxUKmclfJbicz6ycCo92ctiZhnG-D2s3hYU_tFc-t0D_99bn_8L8CsyZd7vaeNKCU3sU9IcUKbVFPdMERip_J0x3E9m9_La7fciVJHGOgpiF2nZoqijIRPE0/s960/FB_IMG_1686708651606.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7tNF7mpk50sxlXSAzl_BAiO7Twaki_bKxyfQg5bOq886dmOhx7JlK1_SOw1BccwN4AItsxUKmclfJbicz6ycCo92ctiZhnG-D2s3hYU_tFc-t0D_99bn_8L8CsyZd7vaeNKCU3sU9IcUKbVFPdMERip_J0x3E9m9_La7fciVJHGOgpiF2nZoqijIRPE0/w150-h200/FB_IMG_1686708651606.jpg" width="150" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv7X08i_v5V5xeMDxudYfNXXG7WYDnF6Zrxb_aXaRnZH8KZ9db9ArKg2zA4kB0WsSXVElXyMyu_ko4g0eySBScAh5cHvJhA1HNQPTY5P53Hdor1pgEc9xGdlnrMrzETKfTqIsfVMqXJfSRh5OOqyIo5zh5HV5gxNCF19BbjEHgGz-1DzpyVigWL9-aBzM/s960/FB_IMG_1686708660407.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv7X08i_v5V5xeMDxudYfNXXG7WYDnF6Zrxb_aXaRnZH8KZ9db9ArKg2zA4kB0WsSXVElXyMyu_ko4g0eySBScAh5cHvJhA1HNQPTY5P53Hdor1pgEc9xGdlnrMrzETKfTqIsfVMqXJfSRh5OOqyIo5zh5HV5gxNCF19BbjEHgGz-1DzpyVigWL9-aBzM/w150-h200/FB_IMG_1686708660407.jpg" width="150" /></a>This summer we planned a vacation with each of those sets of grandparents, and we also planned a few days for the kids to spend time with them without us. My mom took them to an interactive kids' museum, an arcade, some other fun places, and McDonald's more times than mom would ever let me go as a kid. My husband's parents took them to Vacation Bible School, cooked together, went out for ice cream, mini golf, and over to friends' to swim. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh46oyc1Npt6vYQth5rEgBPXM2UZ-zMWwnUxNZj5g4-YcGlNcwCM2p7nC4uq977Mc-3PV6EvcB24JF17PDpTYJr06AxD9fJ2n5-ThU64Y1rPM67gFHcgKbmbeVbBjvbgrQZfO8dYWpTWIlQXnSSIdhJlUoy9_ucpdw3LN_aQs-S7DxfSutOZr3dndSJcgs/s960/IMG_20230728_080637.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh46oyc1Npt6vYQth5rEgBPXM2UZ-zMWwnUxNZj5g4-YcGlNcwCM2p7nC4uq977Mc-3PV6EvcB24JF17PDpTYJr06AxD9fJ2n5-ThU64Y1rPM67gFHcgKbmbeVbBjvbgrQZfO8dYWpTWIlQXnSSIdhJlUoy9_ucpdw3LN_aQs-S7DxfSutOZr3dndSJcgs/w200-h150/IMG_20230728_080637.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKWWdK2_XtB-jFCqf32g5OZzdLMDbAF1mQnbqIL0q90E4Q1MKiqL5GSeE8EItab-EuaBH6nxVP-LXH7Gd0Qo6Ei8ahpfJDt-0sDVuwp5rhyOAW4T-uHOAYnsOC99Pt6w95GgXiicfsig1uHZwe3ZwTUoRpwvwGpL1HukMZbGxtoOpBCHMX3qQOz1fbIbg/s960/IMG_20230728_080643.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKWWdK2_XtB-jFCqf32g5OZzdLMDbAF1mQnbqIL0q90E4Q1MKiqL5GSeE8EItab-EuaBH6nxVP-LXH7Gd0Qo6Ei8ahpfJDt-0sDVuwp5rhyOAW4T-uHOAYnsOC99Pt6w95GgXiicfsig1uHZwe3ZwTUoRpwvwGpL1HukMZbGxtoOpBCHMX3qQOz1fbIbg/s320/IMG_20230728_080643.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><p></p><p>When our parents shared pictures with us, they were only of the kids having the time of their lives. Littlest, who did not know how to swim and was afraid of everything and the water at the beginning of last summer, came home from Grandma and Pappy's saying, "I learned to jump off the diving board!" My, she's come a long way. They both have. Our kids feel so loved by all their new family members, and they enjoy spending time with them or talking about when we can see each other next. These grandparents and other extended family members and friends are genuinely amused and interested in what the kids are doing in school, sports, church, making new friends, and marking all the ways they're growing physically and personally. Now we also relate to our parents not just as our parents or as grandparents of our sibling's kids, but as grandparents of our kids; our siblings as aunts and uncles of our kids; our friends as special aunties of our kids. We're all learning new ways to relate.</p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-85071086278911630522023-09-14T18:43:00.002-04:002023-09-14T18:51:05.999-04:00Extended family<p>One of the aspects that is not talked about often enough in fostering or adoption is extended family. Training teaches the importance of foster parents communicating compassionately, unassumingly, and clearly with a child's family to build and support the parents' relationship with the child and reunification. When we got a call for our kids though, we knew that it would be an adoptive placement. We learned a tiny bit about the kids' family initially and as the months passed, we learned about other family members or friends who had been a part of their lives. We informally vetted relationships, and those who were safe and positive for the kids were folded into our lives...all our lives. </p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhimycudHMczdPwaLR7Qa_OwWgJrT0q4m_UwE930tlEtefqOqtaW8aZVE632vlFyYdhlwNtpTiaxyosSFLepMyxRIUo90lWBGmoDI3VQYhCjahcKMVjG1867HbQncTvWTxiCjcUjllbY56baC5DliKzDJOmSVJXeNkcJRcfcYEWimySP6fm37_UsmJD8gc/s4032/20230424_114840.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1960" data-original-width="4032" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhimycudHMczdPwaLR7Qa_OwWgJrT0q4m_UwE930tlEtefqOqtaW8aZVE632vlFyYdhlwNtpTiaxyosSFLepMyxRIUo90lWBGmoDI3VQYhCjahcKMVjG1867HbQncTvWTxiCjcUjllbY56baC5DliKzDJOmSVJXeNkcJRcfcYEWimySP6fm37_UsmJD8gc/s320/20230424_114840.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">From adoption day, some extended family not pictured</span></i></td></tr></tbody></table><p>People sometimes comment about us adding the kids to our family or them having us now, and that's true and its own kind of hard beautiful. But I don't want to overlook the larger web of relationships we have built. We make calls, visit in person, some have traveled to soccer games and birthday parties. We have celebrated holidays and had more meals in towns halfway between here and there than I can count. It has been such an unexpectedly beautiful blessing in our lives--this continuing to build relationships with those who have more history and blood with our children than we, their now parents, do. </p><p>At Mother's Day, our kids and my husband celebrated me, and I received cards from a few friends and my own mother. One of the most meaningful cards I received though was from their grandmother. The kids' parents' mother who could have a truly complicated and possibly negative view of us as the adoptive parents. But she doesn't. Her card and every other message and conversation has been full of encouragement, kindness, and gratitude. So have the messages from other family and friends who are now in our extended family. </p><p>When you apply to foster or adopt, you expect to pour out love. We did not anticipate all the ways that others would love and care for us and the ways that God would expand our family far, far beyond what we could imagine. It has taken me months to be able to finish this draft and still the words feel inadequate. </p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-17310247276435686602023-05-31T23:38:00.004-04:002023-05-31T23:47:50.050-04:00FAQs on foster care and adoption<p>On the last day of Foster Care Awareness Month, and well after I started this post, it's finally time to finish writing and share it. People have asked many questions along the way and especially recently so I'm back with an FAQs post.</p><p><b>Are they going to be with you long-term?</b></p><p>Well, you've all figured that one out now. Yes. :)</p><p><b>Are they biological siblings?</b></p><p>Yep.</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdGeHNY1PAS3S9a5-EkbjBieyUXpxAOQhJpqKCncLITE2CnG9P85cXR9lLPAii60Ee7r-Yo4Sru_t2LuK3lj5OAX3i2hkOrxA31jkgD0tOaAq4fFX0k-AeRe7wkBqjFwCAYW6SZPrSf7tQKAfz98cg_tv7pXa5WYeTFjilsajDBHYg31EqRekZlOXq/s4032/20230527_120147.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdGeHNY1PAS3S9a5-EkbjBieyUXpxAOQhJpqKCncLITE2CnG9P85cXR9lLPAii60Ee7r-Yo4Sru_t2LuK3lj5OAX3i2hkOrxA31jkgD0tOaAq4fFX0k-AeRe7wkBqjFwCAYW6SZPrSf7tQKAfz98cg_tv7pXa5WYeTFjilsajDBHYg31EqRekZlOXq/s320/20230527_120147.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Old sock monkey from a few generations in my family, <br />which is this week's favorite toy. Sitting in the hallway here<br />but rides to school, holds our hands to pray before dinner, <br />sits at the piano. Has nothing to do with post. Just cute.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><b>"I'm so glad it's gone so well. I was just hoping so they could stay with you."</b></p><p>Whew. This one. Hmmph. The goal of foster care is reunification. We entered into it to provide a loving and caring home to support children and their families. Our first placement was never intended to stay with us long-term. Most aren't. We had a lot of calls before and between, but it just so happened that the next one that came to fruition was for long-term. It was already determined that their placement would be for adoption. We got the call because we were open to adoption + older kids + more than one at a time. Sure, we didn't anticipate it, but in some ways, our cast net was rather wide and is why we were called. We are not "keeping the kids because they've been so good" like some have said. We didn't adopt them because they've justified themselves or in another way earned their way into our home. Ugh. And also it has gone well, and it has been incredibly difficult in so many ways and for all of us. </p><p><b>So, when are you going to take another placement?</b></p><p>We aren't. We knew when they came to our house that they needed no other children, and frankly, we are still transitioning and dealing with plenty by flooring it from 0 to 100 as we went from zero children to two school age kids overnight. Upon our request, our agency officially closed our home. </p><p><b>Oh, yeah, as soon as we saw them, we knew they'd be with you. They look like they came from you two.</b></p><p>LOL. First of all, we totally know. You are not the first one who has said that. We saw it with their first picture in a teensy way. But it is not why we said yes. We were open to children of all races with a huge range of characteristics. Do you see it because of the glasses? Probably a little bit. Hair color? Probably a little bit. Same goofy grins because we are glad we've found one another? Probably a lotta bit.</p><p>This is an interesting aspect of foster care. If we were to have children of another race, it would be obvious they were not biological. That would come with its own challenges, discussions, and sensitivities. However, as it so happens, the children God brought us look like our gene pools could have produced them. Which means that a lot of people who meet us also assume that our gene pools brought about these adorable little beings. This also brings its own set of discussions and challenges.</p><p>Every time someone is near and assumes they came from us biologically, we were guarded and careful with our phrasing, never wanting these kids to think this is why they came to our home or for their internal messaging to perk up with "but they're not my real parents." We did not want it to be pointed out how much we were alike in our physical characteristics or even more so with our personalities because we did not want it to upset the kids or make them think about this strange way of becoming a family. When the barber points out how tall my husband is and asks about his dad and says that our son would also be tall...because of course, like father and grandfather and it runs in the family. Only it sort of skips around in our family since we don't share genes. When someone comments about my daughter's very long eyelashes and then looks at me, I also look with wonder at those lashes that she likes to bat when she's being silly or open wide when she's surprised or tickle my cheek with her little butterfly kisses (do not cue that awful song). Isn't it just something that we get to see and observe and get to know these little creatures? </p><p><b>Why are they with you? Did their parents beat them?</b></p><p>Fill in some four-letter word responses here. My face still burns hot and my blood boils when I recount this aloud. Yes, I was actually asked this question when I ran into someone around town who had been enough of an acquaintance that they knew we'd had kids in our home for several months. These were the first words out of the person's mouth as we walked up to one another. </p><p>Not only is it absolutely not sensitive to the fact that yes, some kids are in foster care because they are abused, it is not the only or even main reason children are in foster care. Why would you even ask someone who has taken into their home two beautiful and precious children...children who did not ask to be in their situation and have endured very difficult circumstances...about a situation that is zero percent your business? Typically I try to see that someone has our best interest at heart or is rooting for us or in some other way view their intention as positive without knowing how to express it...in this, I see no way that this question is positive. </p><p>I wanted to leave right then and there, but I stayed and share some stats about foster care situations. When I realized the person kept diverting the discussion as a way to search for any reason, some reason to believe that the kids, the kids' family, or their situation was as far from the inquirer's own family or people they know, I understood that at the root was fear. Sometimes people are horrid to one another, and many times, if you keep digging, you'll find they are just afraid. Does it excuse them? No. Does it make me want to stick around much longer for more awful questions? No. Does it give me a different response in the moment and prayer at night when I try to put my anger to rest? Yes.</p><p><b>They seem like normal kids. I wouldn't even know they were in foster care. You really are making a difference.</b></p><p>I know this is meant to be a compliment. These kids, just like all the others I've met who have been in foster care or were adopted, <i>are</i> normal kids. They are all kids with favorite subjects, hobbies, dreams, food preferences, loose teeth. </p><p>Some kids are exposed to different types and levels of trauma. Some are different ages when removed from their homes or are very resilient. Some have significant PTSD. Some show their trauma in obvious behaviors and atypical development. Some work so hard at ignoring or stuffing it down that people on the outside may rarely, if ever, see it. Some deal with it and are healing. Some just want to have a normal Wednesday and focus on school, friends, and summer plans. We can never judge a person based on brief interactions. If there's anything social media or running into someone in the grocery store does, it's that we only get to see the smallest sliver of their life but assume we've seen the whole. </p><p><b>It's so fun that you now share a last name!</b></p><p>This is also an assumption :) In our case, yes, we do share a last name now. Some resource parents providing foster care will change the kid's name for various reasons. We did not have a concern. When it was time to decide names, we gave kids the options. They came to us with names that they've known for years. They will be the ones to carry their names with them for the years to come. </p><p>Keep it, change it, keep both, hyphenate, etc. Ours elected to keep their former last name as a second middle name and take on our family name as a new last name so they both have four names. It's been really fun trying to fit it on forms (HA! That middle name block is tiny!), and we are slowly working through the process of changing all documents with their identification. Birth certificates, social security cards and numbers, insurance, school, after school, doctors, dentists, and on and on. </p><p>I am pleased they came to the decision on their own and for what they decided. It speaks to acknowledging their biological family and their adoptive family--both as part of their identity. I think that's really lovely.</p><p><br /></p><p>That's all for the FAQs this week! Feel free to message other questions and I'll try to answer either from our experience or the experiences I know from others. Some have also asked why I share our experience or answer questions. I have had so many personal messages during our journey and especially since our adoption news with questions, people asking for resources for themselves or their friends, people mentioning that they were hoping to foster or adopt now too, people who have reached out that they have previously fostered or adopted and maybe weren't as vocal about it but wanted to offer a private hoorah or support. That's exactly it. I share because people wonder and are curious. We all want to know we aren't alone on our twisty, turny paths. People are cheerleaders and supporters. And some find information and encouragement for their own journey. </p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-31904997966008627282023-05-15T11:59:00.000-04:002023-05-15T11:59:18.093-04:00When did I become a mother?<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">When did I become a mother? Was it on the day the judge grinned and let our kids bang the gavel on the official order of the court? Was it the day I stopped a nosebleed or caught vomit in a bucket? Was I a mother yet when I got the initial call, “There are two kids. Let me tell you about them…” or when we waited, knowing that they were ours but the system that would make them so took its sweet time? That was before Mother’s Day last year, and I celebrated silently in my heart. When did I become mom or mama or mother or mommy?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Some days I seemingly float down our hallway in a daze and look around at toys and scuffed walls, and my eyes drift over to the piles of papers from school. Was I a mother when they walked across our threshold and Ryan blurts out in his fits of excitement, which is so very him, “THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME IS……” and he just keeeeeeeeept blurting out likes and dislikes and dreams of what he wants to do and what we should do together and so on while we smiled and asked if he wanted to see his room and put his bags down?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Did I become a mother when these kids came to live with us permanently but before most people knew? Or was I also a mother to our previous placement who is celebrating a birthday this week and has been on my mind? I certainly remember the day I marched into the high school, and in my heart, there were guns a’blazing. As hard as that time was for all of us, I remained a fierce advocate for that child’s needs. I felt like a mother who was completely unequipped for serving that child and furious at those who were supposed to be on his side and on our side but were looking for loopholes, saving money, and unhelpful legalese. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Was I a mother when we adopted the kids who had been with us 10 months, or when we filed after waiting the requisite six months per our state’s laws, or when we said yes to this call? What were those first months then? Or was it when we said yes to so many other calls before that, no to calls, fostered the first time, or way back when we tried biologically to craft a family? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Motherhood for some is easy to pinpoint the start, but for a lot of us, it’s harder. When did my friends who lost their first babies during pregnancy become mothers? Was it when the third baby breathed life in this world? What about those friends or family members whose baby died at birth or during childhood? Did those women stop becoming mothers? What about those friends with children who have estranged themselves as teens or adults, being alive in the world and yet not existing in one another’s worlds? How about those friends who mother so many though they don’t have a birth certificate to show that their state has called them mother?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz_WdMZWawX7fb6R1YYW761ZSwWesK-OQLiYdlfkUTz5VkkgcXTByZkpa1ytdFQ4bw-to3C5wgU0nmWHPl_WsvY48p2s7FHtpVg_nS3SmbH8IAgQblgmOrd1zF0i70ah3v_wqtFI5DRa13L88h_FivyE5UjUrEC11fJc0MeRCv5C8fiFturEsA7zii/s1280/48289.jpeg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz_WdMZWawX7fb6R1YYW761ZSwWesK-OQLiYdlfkUTz5VkkgcXTByZkpa1ytdFQ4bw-to3C5wgU0nmWHPl_WsvY48p2s7FHtpVg_nS3SmbH8IAgQblgmOrd1zF0i70ah3v_wqtFI5DRa13L88h_FivyE5UjUrEC11fJc0MeRCv5C8fiFturEsA7zii/s320/48289.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">From a family counseling session where I was the one crying,<br />and everyone piled on top of me. Make-up is running, my face is <br />flushed. This is not a posed family shoot. One of the therapists was <br />so endeared, he took a picture. Tears and hugs. This is real life.</span></td></tr></tbody></table>Our kids are now in our house, and yes, I am mom. I am also mommy, mother, and Andrea. You may hear them call me any of these at any point and sometimes multiple in the same breath. That is okay because I know my role, and we’re all kind of figuring it out. We have been in a time of transition. Maybe some biological parents feel like that too, and maybe it’s a blessing that babies don’t come out of the womb speaking. It gives those moms a little time to form their relationship, nurture their attachment, and teach their baby who they are. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">But what about our kids’ first mommy, the one who brought them into the world? She is the one most would call their mother, and rightfully so. Or some might say she was their mother. That’s just not how any of this works. There is a woman who bore children who now another woman raises. She is their mother, and I am their mother. Mothering is complicated. Just ask anyone who mothers the children of their partner’s previous relationship. Some might call that person a stepmother, but doesn’t she mother those children too? Isn’t she more like an additional mother? A bonus mother or a second mother? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I don’t know the precise moment in which God made me a mother. In some ways, it feels like I’ve been becoming a mother a little bit at a time for a very long time, and it also still catches me by surprise. Maybe I will always be bewildered. Maybe that’s how a lot of mothers feel.</div></div>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-69308679826456391352023-05-09T23:09:00.002-04:002023-05-09T23:09:24.474-04:00"When is your leg going to be better?"<p>"When is your leg going to be better," she asked from the backseat today. "Well, what do you mean? It really isn't going to get better." "No, I mean, healed. How long before it's healed?" I asked some curious questions about whether it makes her uncomfortable or why she was asking because her voice was kind of quiet and sad. "I just want you to be able to take a walk with us around the neighborhood." "Me too, sweetie. I'd like that too."</p><p>Sigh. As we entered the foster care journey, I was worried how I would handle life with kids. Truth is, I am sore and in pain all the time. Not necessarily because these kids don't understand or I'm running and jumping with them, but there is just a lot of back and forth around the house or elsewhere. I rest when I can; I sit when I can. I put a stool into the kitchen to wash dishes. The kids were great when we went to NYC and I used a scooter most of the time. Et cetera, et cetera. </p><p>Those early days were tough because there was so much I wanted to do with them that I could see being difficult. When their after school program switched to parents walking to pick up kids from their groups instead of them calling on speaker for kids to come to the front, I could barely walk after doing the maze to pick up both kids in their separate areas of the building the first time. I broke down when I got home because it felt like such a simple thing I should be able to do, but then I couldn't walk for two days. I talked to the after school staff, and now when I am the parent picking up, they will call for a counselor to walk each kid to the front. I dislike the inconvenience I'm causing the amazing staff. I dislike sometimes telling kids I can't walk back downstairs that evening to hang out or sharing some other limitation I am facing at that particular day. I dislike saying they should hike with someone else because hills and most trails are too much for me or that I need to sit on the sidelines at the trampoline park because I'm ordered not to jump on my ankle. </p><p>I sense their disappointment and their desire for things to be different for me and thus also different in some ways for them. I grieve the life and ease of mobility I once knew and the one I do not know with them. I see their grief in what they had wished for in parents and life as a family, and I grieve that I cannot give some of those experiences to them or in the way they desire.</p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-65705560926350624152023-04-22T22:14:00.003-04:002023-04-22T22:42:05.880-04:00A smattering of life lately<p>It has been a long time since I've blogged, though I've started several drafts multiple times. And then scrapped them. And then started again. And then deleted all but pictures. But we're to the point if I don't combine multiple brief updates, they just won't get written or shared.</p><p>Life has been a series of meetings and appointments, cuddles and fun, and ups and downs. We took an awesome trip to New York City over the kids' spring break and successfully blew their minds. It was such a great time. Someone noted that I take a scooter now on a lot of trips and asked about our trip schedule and also how I deal with the ankle at home since I needed a scooter while traveling. We had a nice balance of activity with late starts, early ending the day, and breaks in the middle. The kids are very helpful and Matt is truly a God-send. Also, at home, I keep chairs in every room :) and in "normal life," I have figured out a lot of work-arounds and accommodations to make it better for me. Still, I'm in pain all the time. This is just how it is. </p><p>One reason for our trip location is that I need to visit my home office quarterly, and this was a good way to travel together and reduce my days away from home and Matt and kids. I also have to take other trips for work so one trip together makes it a little easier. He took them to Six Flags while I went to work for a day. Have I mentioned that I love my job? Last week, I marked one year with the company. Matt had been telling me for years how terrific I am at what I do and that one day a headhunter would take me away from UVA, and of course I thought he was speaking from his loving bias. It turns out, he was right. I was recruited to another company, and while entertaining their calls, others started calling and I threw my hat in the ring at some others. My company tailored a position for me and their needs, and it has been an excellent fit. I miss the abundance of paid time off my state university job provided, but there are many other benefits that I greatly appreciate and I was never really able to take off as much time as I was given because of the workload and lack of coverage or planning to adequately staff departments. This has been a year full of interesting projects and challenges. I was contacted last week by another company and was glad to tell them thank you but I'm happy where I am currently, and I smiled because it's nice to be reminded of that sometimes.</p><p>Katherine has gone through a lot this year. It is both difficult and an honor to accompany a best friend down a bumpy and treacherous path. She writes about her journey, faith, current diagnoses, and treatment updates on <a href="https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/katcare/journal/view/id/643fef27a6677caf77c3237a" target="_blank">CaringBridge</a>. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVU3-84wd5nxXypPUgMOOO5O0uemzAvWnkC30vzW6N7YONTf5gzQy5IQ99seVyVSwmWGzCONrfeAgCyZcTA6JTXTmos5I52Wdmvgi1k7k4-MRQ-fqTvmB_6nl3-mvJuviXQtl7bimlAxhexvxsnQC-x4AzSRuNM0tW5Ob0_V8JQ0H3_7uWpRq914Ca/s4032/20230420_114134.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVU3-84wd5nxXypPUgMOOO5O0uemzAvWnkC30vzW6N7YONTf5gzQy5IQ99seVyVSwmWGzCONrfeAgCyZcTA6JTXTmos5I52Wdmvgi1k7k4-MRQ-fqTvmB_6nl3-mvJuviXQtl7bimlAxhexvxsnQC-x4AzSRuNM0tW5Ob0_V8JQ0H3_7uWpRq914Ca/s320/20230420_114134.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>On the home front, life looks quite different than this time last year. Our schedule is different, priorities too. The circle of who we talk to, see, visit, etc. has grown. There are constant reminders everywhere of the little people who take up a lot of space in our house and hearts, from art and schoolwork dropped on the desk in the kitchen, toys scattered, lights left on in rooms, etc. I call the picture to the right Ode to Snuggly Blankets. In case you cannot see it very closely, there are 6 on that one section of the couch. It is one of many snapshots of Real Life that is beautiful, amusing, and drives me bonkers. <p></p><p>I have been adjusting to still adjusting. Usually I am on the ball and proactive with tasks and responsive to people. I can say I am thoroughly behind on lists, to-dos, and texts, emails, and calls. Shrugs shoulders. I can only do what I can do. On the days I remember that, I matter-of-factly accept the reality and end my day. On a lot of other days, I spin around, either actually or in my heart and mind, like the Tasmanian Devil in the Looney Tunes cartoon. I'm a work in progress. </p><p>The kids get a small weekly allowance. Please don't weigh in about whether kids should get an allowance. This is a requirement of providing foster care through our agency. There are a number of reasons for this like many kids have not had a lot of choice given to them and would benefit from having money to spend how they choose on little extras, and as they age, it is good to have them start learning money management. This is not tied to chores. Some chores are expected parts of taking care of oneself and contributing to the household. The kids expressed a desire to do extra jobs around the house to make money 'cause they can build Lego sets faster than their allowances allow. ha. </p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3qaisSC1gxFBe-KUNBxcCh_0a5FHGXBRlBDtbDPdgzXMn36ho4S1CgFIfmHUJcZFOatPiD2KUMrtriVqqEEVVuYJYUh0xb352trV4kZAuIj-tUpsbVwG_WvSRCdmH77nVjEOKLEXqRE4N46P5JlXcdlje0vsW1JL0hNa99AZmiZaOA2jQTAPtKy-u/s4032/20230306_213351.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3qaisSC1gxFBe-KUNBxcCh_0a5FHGXBRlBDtbDPdgzXMn36ho4S1CgFIfmHUJcZFOatPiD2KUMrtriVqqEEVVuYJYUh0xb352trV4kZAuIj-tUpsbVwG_WvSRCdmH77nVjEOKLEXqRE4N46P5JlXcdlje0vsW1JL0hNa99AZmiZaOA2jQTAPtKy-u/s320/20230306_213351.jpg" width="240" /></a>I created a job board on the fridge and have been posting jobs with little descriptions. They thought they were just going to be able to say they wanted to do a job, do the job, and boom, cash. LOL! They can express interest and then have an interview to go over the position, their qualifications, and determine whether and when they are fit to begin the job. Oldest kiddo was interested in two initial jobs and sat down to a long list of questions just as if he'd gone into an adult job interview. Sure, it builds skills he's not really ready to use yet as far as obtaining a paid job and we're not celebrating the grind culture, but it also was helping us work through communication and how to listen to a question and answer the question asked. It also helped to go through concerns and have him come up with solutions and out of the box ideas that would be mutually beneficial. They are not eligible to take on a paid job unless regular self and household chores are complete. This has not been the windfall the kids desired because shocker, it involves doing something for the money, and usually when they have a little available time, they'd rather play. I understand that!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBEDTQnCfMoO3q5cqlwVYVSgetNhqNe29EgPspGNKFX8plTHCWLhLyPmuZsal02-8cjW9lD0cblW4mbXCpEfVaeqPS2utLUcSMYLEymFWwK8MHNRVJjmXBDELduqbYWO5UrngEFsAnzatINPjls3SKdTSDnBpzZpw4dxo6DfBZX5UCQd_o9ZFSasIy/s4032/20230312_172945.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBEDTQnCfMoO3q5cqlwVYVSgetNhqNe29EgPspGNKFX8plTHCWLhLyPmuZsal02-8cjW9lD0cblW4mbXCpEfVaeqPS2utLUcSMYLEymFWwK8MHNRVJjmXBDELduqbYWO5UrngEFsAnzatINPjls3SKdTSDnBpzZpw4dxo6DfBZX5UCQd_o9ZFSasIy/w150-h200/20230312_172945.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>But sometimes it works out okay for us, and we have lovely flowers on our dining table. We have someone proud to contribute to the overall feeling of our household. We have a lot of laughter during and after the interview and responses like "That was FUN!" That's part of why we're here. Plus, someone can pocket...usually not for long...a couple of bucks. There is plenty else with the kids that we can't or won't share. It's been busy, hectic, frustrating, amazing, hard, tiring, and completely worthwhile. Hopefully I'll share more life or some of those drafts before it's been another three months posting. When you only see the snippets I can post on Instagram or few posts on Facebook, you don't get to see everything. I had a good reminder of that recently when talking with someone while doing a bit of work at the house and realizing there are a lot of things I did not know about her and she didn't know about me and then I thought about a lot of those pieces that very few people know. I'm sure many of us could say the same. For as much as people think I am public about my life, friends, family, etc., there is an iceberg worth beneath the surface, and it's really hard to directly talk about. But occasionally I write and let a little seep out.</div></div>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-56059810348981461702023-01-31T22:24:00.001-05:002023-02-01T07:23:44.331-05:00We need a pallet of ketchup.<p>When we welcomed kids into our home, so many people showered us with love. There were meals delivered, gift cards for those nights we just needed to order dinner, books, games, clothes, and more. This post means in no way to slight any of those gifts, and as you'll see, is mostly in jest. Having parented elementary aged kids for over seven months now (this post does not include much about our first placement who was/is a teen because teens are very different than younger kids), I have made a mental, and now typed, list of what we needed. </p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>A Sam's or Costco membership. Honestly, it's like they want to eat multiple times a day. But you should only buy the item in a smaller quantity until you know they like it or you'll have 4 jars of peanut butter that is too salty, crunchy, smooth, sticky, etc. in the pantry. When you find something they like, buy.it.in.bulk. If you are not blessed with a room size pantry, clear out other nooks and crannies and storestorestore. Or with any luck, some of the nice things you once owned will be ruined quick enough to make room for all these extra groceries.</li><li>Milk and juice. But buy apple juice every week for months because that's all they like with breakfast and then one day, they do not like it anymore. So hold loosely to anything you lock into memory that they like.</li><li>A pallet of ketchup. Children do not have, as one might say, <i>refined palates</i>. They eat approximately one gallon of ketchup on everything. Or rather, a pint of ketchup on everything, a quart-sized mound left on the plate, and the rest of the gallon on the table, shirt, floor, and maybe dog.</li><li>Bread without crusts. Had we known what an issue crusts would be, we should have started stockpiling the edge slivers and croutoning them. </li><li>Noise cancelling headphones. I am sort of kidding. Children have very loud voices and the pitch is a much higher frequency than all the adults you are used to listening to. They are sweet and their giggles sound like little cherubs, but they are also noisy and rambunctious and sometimes sound like a screeching pterodactyl.</li><li>Bendy straws because every beverages is 10 times more fun with a bendy straw.</li><li>A single quarter. How else will one determine which sibling gets to choose or if the choice is fair without calling a good ole heads 'n tails flip?</li><li>Soap. Children are little germ buckets. We ask and remind them to wash their hands on the reg.</li><li>Tissues and stuffy nose medicine. See above. Children are little germ buckets, and they will go to camp, school, preschool, day care, after school, etc. and spread their little germies to other kiddos who are spreading their little germies. They might not eat certain foods because "eewww" but will eat it off the floor or maybe a table at a fast food restaurant where a previous patron left it. Kids also seem to have have more bloody noses than adults, and their little heads just gush and gush blood when they do. So many tissues. So much ew.</li><li>Blankets and snuggly things, especially stuffies (i.e. stuffed animals). Kids like to be cozy, surrounded by soft, warm, snuggly stuff, and have a lot of stuffed friends to cuddle. Also, no one should bring us any more of these. Each bed has at least two extra blankets and multiple stuffed animals. We could barely see one kid in bed, and both now have toy hammocks above their beds with many of the stuffed animals. </li><li>Clear tape. I'm talking about transparent desk tape like you might use to wrap gifts. Kids, on the other hand, use it to tape a plain piece of paper to a plain piece of paper or might pull a huge strand of it to tape a 2" paper tear. You will never have a full roll in your desk again. If you see a roll and your eyebrows raise in surprise and excitement, just lower them. The roll will be there, but it will be empty.</li><li>Scissors. I would not have thought we needed scissors for children. After all, aren't we supposed to yell after they zip past us to not run with them? Well, we do not have a running with scissors problem. We have a "scissors walk away" problem. Kids can have 2 pairs in each of their desk and a pair in their backpack which is in their room, and they will walk to the kitchen and snatch one of your pairs. This is fact. I remember my mom looking around for her <i>good scissors</i> and telling us if we took a pair to put it back and just don't take <i>this</i> pair. </li><li>Pens and pencils. See above. You can have 500 pencils, colored pencils, crayons, markers, pens in their desk, backpack, bookshelf, closet, and they will walk their little legs to another room to take yours.</li><li>Umbrellas. What do they do to those poor umbrellas?? Lose them, yes. Break them, also yes.</li><li>Gloves. Also lotion, lip balm, hats/beanies, sunglasses, goggles, etc. If it is seasonal and helps keep them warm, cool, protected, moisturized, and comfortable, it will be on the floor of a bus, one glove on a playground and one somewhere else, or anywhere except for the pocket, bag, head it should be. Lack of gloves mean little cold, chapped hands need lotion, but good luck finding that.</li><li>Water bottles. I saved the best for last because I just didn't foresee that reusable bottles would be needed by the case. They lose them and break them all.the.time. But hydration is important so we replace. And replace. And replace. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPI196Vqt029P364N08aTqgpcx-0ANKjPJq3p8vixzGW2LbhoNeDc_JNrn7dQFIN8KwzQFwAogx-lglgCQClwPFaHwaAJyHCMBITGEtiw6WU04CgxMpo85F1BoVQ5PFQ1Wf445aD_xdCTGPZAEtd2jh-eLbRo08iEKF8KMLQHNfkFqyF7JtW_NebCP/s2048/lostandfound.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPI196Vqt029P364N08aTqgpcx-0ANKjPJq3p8vixzGW2LbhoNeDc_JNrn7dQFIN8KwzQFwAogx-lglgCQClwPFaHwaAJyHCMBITGEtiw6WU04CgxMpo85F1BoVQ5PFQ1Wf445aD_xdCTGPZAEtd2jh-eLbRo08iEKF8KMLQHNfkFqyF7JtW_NebCP/s320/lostandfound.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></li><li>Towels, clothes, and basically any item they use will be lost at some point. I picked them up from camp one day and littlest had on only her bathing suit and was carrying an empty bag. She had somehow lost a towel, clothes she wore to camp, clothes to change into, her water bottle, and several other things. She lost them on a half mile trail that she walked out and back. Did they jump off her body and go hide in the bushes? We'll never know. It was not funny and also hilarious. We regularly stop by the lost and found, and we also coach the kids in checking their classrooms, afterschool, camp, church, friend's birthday party, and anywhere they go for their missing items or what they brought with them. I have noticed a very slight improvement. (yeah!) Except for water bottles. Apparently there is no hope there. </li></ul>It helps to know we are not alone. The picture is one of several for a hallway filled with stuff from their actual elementary school for last week's lost and found parent pickup. We had just walked through a few days before during a school program, and alas, I saw 0 of our kids' things. This post is obviously for fun, but it is oh so real.<p></p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-8703661975182454292023-01-02T23:31:00.006-05:002023-01-02T23:31:59.700-05:00"Could I maybe have some more Jesus?"<p>We attend church on Sundays and let littles grace the doorway with athletic pants and t-shirts and an armful of quiet toys or books. Sometimes they skip in and down the aisle, flinging their possessions on a pew or passer-by. They sing and dance and ask people to watch a new yo-yo trick. They run off to kids' church after the opening of the service and hear a story from the Bible or watch a short video, do an activity, and play with other kids. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkHkFu04O2MTxQi-7-TONKpequV6R8vTvBTh8mXmzHYISK7vmsfCgXo7r3x2abd4MZnrMNZApljpWGRH0elJN0pY-C_VqnEdyYASzo_auncjUPnA8AEI70_XD-xV1nH_iT7GOPHrUJqsbPDczMRUEnUnW5HNZtr77rLIWUt57mbn7FCjcA3O_qVMIH/s4032/20221225_161958.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkHkFu04O2MTxQi-7-TONKpequV6R8vTvBTh8mXmzHYISK7vmsfCgXo7r3x2abd4MZnrMNZApljpWGRH0elJN0pY-C_VqnEdyYASzo_auncjUPnA8AEI70_XD-xV1nH_iT7GOPHrUJqsbPDczMRUEnUnW5HNZtr77rLIWUt57mbn7FCjcA3O_qVMIH/s320/20221225_161958.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>On Christmas Day (and occasionally when we do not have volunteers), kids stayed in the sanctuary during the full service. We happened to sit at the front of the back section with a lot of floor space in front of us, and little plopped on the floor to color and play with a few toys. She wriggled and wiggled and flipped over a few times, flung feet in the air, leaned back in a seated back-bend, and settled back down for a little calmer play. We let it continue, unless it seems it may distract someone else. <p></p>Our church offers Communion (sometimes called Eucharist, the Great Thanksgiving, or Lord's Supper) monthly and usually during special times of the year like Easter. This year, we had Communion every Sunday during the four weeks of Advent leading up to Christmas. Kids were brought back into the sanctuary to join this part of the service. Our church is also getting back into being served Communion instead of individuals picking up a pre-packaged cup of juice and wafer on their way into church. The COVID cups were fine but held a watered down grapeless grape juice and a thick piece of rice paper that dissolved on your tongue. We are not back to dipping a piece of bread into a single, shared cup, but we have individual cups of grape juice and a seedy, salty kind of wafer. I have never laughed so much during Communion as during these weeks.<div><br /></div><div>One kid heard the word "wafer" during the instruction portion telling people how to process and what to expect just before we walked to the front, and he was amused and kept saying "waaaaaaaafer...waaaaaafeeeeeerrrrrr" under his breath and sometimes in my ear. Once we had been served Communion and he realized we had a new kind of wafer (which admittedly IS tasty), he said, "MMMM! Can we get seconds??" Other kiddo, who is known to eat the slowest of any mammal on the planet, just stood there NIBBLING her wafer. I had to escort her to stand to the side of the front of the church so others could pass by us on their way back to their seats. No problem for her. That gave her more time to SIP her less than HALF OF AN OUNCE of juice. She could make that tiniest little cup of juice last a long four sips and then tip it back to let every last drop drain out while she licked the inside of the cup to make sure she got it all. And I just stood there chuckling inside and also not at all looking around to see whether others were noticing. We eventually got back to our seats, and little leaned over and excitedly asked, "Could I maybe have some more Jesus?" "Oh, sweetie. You may not have another wafer (gestures to others waiting in line), but you can have all the Jesus you want."<br /><p>There are three verses in the Bible where Jesus tells his disciples, "Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children." (Matthew 19:14; Mark 10:14; Luke 18:16)</p><p>Our church emphasizes that the table and Communion are not the pastor's, nor are they any of ours. It is Lord's Table and the Lord's Supper and all who receive the Lord's invitation may participate and partake. The doors of the church are open wide for those who wish to come in, and we realize some church buildings are a safer, softer place and some are harder and harsher. But for these little children? We seek to show it as a safe, soft place where you can arrive as you are with a little toothpaste stain on your shirt, scattering your toys about the floor, and asking, "Could I may have some more Jesus?"</p></div>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-11459783475818698032022-11-22T21:59:00.001-05:002022-11-22T21:59:51.294-05:00Feeling all the things.<p>Sometimes it's hard to believe the kids have been with us for more than five months. We are starting to adjust to the schedule that is unique to foster care. Adding two elementary age kids overnight is its own challenge, but when we have felt overwhelmed or stressed, it has been largely due to the frequency of meetings and appointments. Between the weekly agency worker visit, monthly DSS visit, treatment team or related meetings, and all of their appointments, each week has had between seven and thirteen meetings/appointments. Never mind the fact that we are working full time, trying to shuffle them around between school or care during the day, give them additional normal opportunities like soccer or a play date, and also still having to do a fair amount of training for our agency and license. At some point, schedules shifted with providers and we were able to consolidate three in just two locations at overlapping times on one day of the week freeing up one day and making it a little easier to manage some appointments. I am pretty sure we heard a trumpet sound and angels began singing. Hallelujah. The number of meetings and appointments should theoretically lessen, and as we were beginning to breathe a bit as they did, a need came up that would significantly increase the number of hours we were spending in meetings and appointments. It has been really stressful to figure out when there would be hours in the day between school and bed for kids to get in this number of hours in various places because they also need to eat and bathe, and we need to spend time together. Thankfully Matt and I were able to advocate for all our needs to eliminate these extra hours and address needs a different way, and we are back to the usual crazy schedule. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBPUGLuTC2_B9JF9ZhNzq2tOf8JHSKTSeiZ9tugoM5ZKy-wZpyV7v0yBe-gCIy2W2Ffqbasp5Lqmiaoilqf6jiyzUMyP8qM05dz7erupKY23Soq52Jy4WeEMx_qmsMV8ysQdNXSuxtJURKGL2psPecyd9f26nHAyC8kWyTlBLgOnCOYjD0yKvTXEJX/s4032/20220725_082803.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBPUGLuTC2_B9JF9ZhNzq2tOf8JHSKTSeiZ9tugoM5ZKy-wZpyV7v0yBe-gCIy2W2Ffqbasp5Lqmiaoilqf6jiyzUMyP8qM05dz7erupKY23Soq52Jy4WeEMx_qmsMV8ysQdNXSuxtJURKGL2psPecyd9f26nHAyC8kWyTlBLgOnCOYjD0yKvTXEJX/s320/20220725_082803.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><p></p><p>Offering foster care means having to address many types and layers of trauma in various ways, as those surface at various times and in various intensities. It is heartbreaking and indescribably beautiful to learn and see more and then watch them make such huge progress and just literally transform before our eyes. There has never been anything I've been a part of that is quite like it. Incredibly tough and completely worthwhile.</p><p>Holidays are so dysregulating for many kids, and especially those who are making new patterns or may have moved from their family or between homes. They may miss traditions or be thrust into a household that has different traditions or any at all. It can be confusing, fun, sad, exciting, or many other emotions. It can be similar for vacations or other days off or away. We have certainly seen a roller coaster of emotions at holidays we have already experienced together and as we are approaching another. </p><p>For those who see us in person or the tiniest snippet of our lives online, know it is just that, a snippet (which we could really say for you, me, all of us at any time). We are doing really well together...and also having a hard time. Though Matt and I each made choices to move away from our hometowns to live and work and then chose to stay here once we married, it does not make it easier that we are away from family. There are times we have been really overwhelmed and sad, and we have needed logistical help and emotional support. We are learning and trying to figure out when and how we can reach out for help and who might be able and willing to pitch in. </p><p>My physical challenges have brought their own logistical and emotional challenges, but I will address that another day. <br /></p><p>For today, we are grateful to know and care about one another. All journeys are difficult and lovely in their own way, and we thank God for ours. Glennon Doyle calls it brutiful (brutal + beautiful), and it certainly is. Here's to another day and opportunity to feel all the feelings.</p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-58348358773855275272022-11-08T20:37:00.002-05:002022-11-08T20:42:44.080-05:00Gratitude and generosity<p>It's November, which means we're in a season of giving thanks. In the spirit of decluttering a bit, especially before the holiday and gift season, and to go through some items that may be difficult to part with, we are shifting our focus with a Gratitude Box. We teach and nurture generosity and gratitude to children and learn it ourselves from practice and seeing examples of others' generosity. The Gratitude Box gives intentionality to this practice and is facilitating a lot of great conversations around the topic. </p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1bmUi-TTY1F5iJWOqVfmIYtmMqmJ4BccV2kuuLDGvcXr1CwtgfnhL0eLzATpSGe20PU0nyBsAoYjadqcpcWsqlmHogS_Azxm_8Qcc8tuqNIq7pmgiaKtqtymt94yI3irhROc0yklqrAMDfBUzCmt0V8j-Q7iG7lc4g5tsCw--VPxjTol6I_mAEPa3/s4032/20221102_204739.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1bmUi-TTY1F5iJWOqVfmIYtmMqmJ4BccV2kuuLDGvcXr1CwtgfnhL0eLzATpSGe20PU0nyBsAoYjadqcpcWsqlmHogS_Azxm_8Qcc8tuqNIq7pmgiaKtqtymt94yI3irhROc0yklqrAMDfBUzCmt0V8j-Q7iG7lc4g5tsCw--VPxjTol6I_mAEPa3/s320/20221102_204739.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Gratitude Box November 1 through the day we leave for Thanksgiving travels.<br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table>We have chosen to share generously by each selecting a toy, game, clothing item, book, tool, appliance, etc. to donate or making something from what we already have on hand for a friend or family member or adding $5 to an envelope for the Food Bank. If you want to do something like this, you will need to determine what works for you and yours. We knew that $1 to the Food Bank may entice people to only give monetary donations because it is easier, and it may not give us an opportunity to really practice observing what we have with gratitude and focusing on what others might use or need. Of course, some days, we want to give something easy just to get it over with. <p></p><p>Giving is hard. Sometimes we just don't want to be generous, and we want to hold onto all of our things. We feel that items, food, money, time, etc. are scarce, and we clutch whatever we have with tight fists. Practicing gratitude helps us focus on all we do have, our complete abundance, and to share freely and openly with others. </p><p>Some evenings, people know exactly what they want to share and toss items into the box with a "Yeah!" Some evenings, people walk around their rooms and the house, picking up a few items, deciding against them, and continue on. They may be reminded that they could make something to give to a friend or add money for those who need food. Inevitably, they continue on the search. Sometimes there are questions about who is getting this stuff or why we are even giving stuff away. Some evenings I am silly and walk around asking in a sing-song voice, "Who wants to be generous today?? Who is grateful??" Chuckle, grumble, ponder, chuckle. </p><p>We pour out our thanks by giving to others. We are cultivating liberality, generosity, and how to serve others. We are grateful for the opportunity to teach these littles and to practice these values ourselves.</p><p></p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-50572922146789003812022-11-07T22:00:00.001-05:002022-11-07T22:14:52.513-05:00Birthday <p>We recently celebrated the birthday of one kiddo. Holidays are a mixed bag in foster care. Birthdays may be exciting and fun, but they can also be disappointing or a let down. They can remind kids of previous holidays and times with their birth or biological family, friends or previous schools if they have had to move, or even other foster placements. There may be discussion about what time the kid was born or other details they may not know. Sadly, many children in foster care do not receive gifts and celebrations for their birthday or other holidays, even if the family they are placed with celebrates and gives presents to other family members during those holidays. How awful is that??</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWlgb44WElHChZTQT2b0M4OBHZyA_FqG5Lm1Lu-bwUBQr74-t8ZNINH3n2YGgJnay3DodQrJIFgKyr40hLmorlFafHJcBS5zVIGwNrKvlt4uvTZ-ID9_ZkaXzp_hgnx1867z3dO8f_4yJ6VYCBjfbkZj3BCJzv-1Zq86tG1IYLf1gf0u4h5Dd5Gxxl/s1080/IMG_20221105_215447_882.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="740" data-original-width="1080" height="274" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWlgb44WElHChZTQT2b0M4OBHZyA_FqG5Lm1Lu-bwUBQr74-t8ZNINH3n2YGgJnay3DodQrJIFgKyr40hLmorlFafHJcBS5zVIGwNrKvlt4uvTZ-ID9_ZkaXzp_hgnx1867z3dO8f_4yJ6VYCBjfbkZj3BCJzv-1Zq86tG1IYLf1gf0u4h5Dd5Gxxl/w400-h274/IMG_20221105_215447_882.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>As much as we can throw a party, card a yard, send treats to their class, or have them sit on a saddle for a "Yeeeee-haw!" at an embarrassingly festive restaurant, birthdays can bring up a lot of emotions.<p></p><p>We often think of birthdays in relation to the person who is being celebrated as living another year and embarking on the next, but I don't know many parents out there who do not also wax on nostalgically about their pregnancy, labor, how they had the baby, when, the weather or time of day, some funny or horrifying story surrounding that day, etc. Many parents do this year after year. This year I have thought many times about these kids' parents and how strange and difficult it must be to have their babies celebrating a birthday away from them. Birthdays in foster care come with an element of sadness for the kid, the biological parents, the resource families (aka foster parents), and even sometimes the siblings.</p><p>All birthdays are not happy, but every child is worth celebrating in a safe and caring environment until or if they are able to reunite with their biological family.</p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-41993371679518469542022-10-17T23:01:00.007-04:002022-10-17T23:01:58.969-04:00Four months.<p>We sat in near silence on opposite ends of an extra long couch that had a look millennials love and our aging bones did not. Would it hurt to put some padding in this seat and add a few pillows? The same could be said of these threadbare throws--very cute at first glance, but not at all warming in this woodsy cabin without heat. But like I was saying, we sat and slouched and wriggled into positions at the ends of this large sofa, each with a book in hand. The only sounds were that of the coffee maker occasionally reminding us that it was keeping the pot warm, in case we needed another cup, and the wind fluttering the leaves in the many surrounding trees. I could simultaneously read a book while also peeping the yellow and red and orange leaves out of the corner of my eye, so positioned that a window flanked both or each of the left and right sides of my peripheral vision.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2Ozu0IGN8Xaob7ROJSl2o3D-uvoP69HL5oebY9yLHBmPpXYyVyho7HOMm2NBkgNd-SrV1VOPWiTVAufv_MVFrJdPvitT3UD4WB6zL6x4AlJOsfquiu4jLotw3rvN_YQ8NczwR_Uxza-UwIxbvbFrYGswDqy3rdKNid6z5aKjj6Vfuewy4iot3y1RB/s4032/20221015_152636.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2Ozu0IGN8Xaob7ROJSl2o3D-uvoP69HL5oebY9yLHBmPpXYyVyho7HOMm2NBkgNd-SrV1VOPWiTVAufv_MVFrJdPvitT3UD4WB6zL6x4AlJOsfquiu4jLotw3rvN_YQ8NczwR_Uxza-UwIxbvbFrYGswDqy3rdKNid6z5aKjj6Vfuewy4iot3y1RB/s320/20221015_152636.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>Driving here was a bit of a dream. Of course, there was the landscape-open and wide rolling hills, dotted in autumnal colors, narrow roads lined in those trees hugging and overhanging our path beneath. But it was also a dream cruising along with my best guy, in a way we haven't for four months. Four solid months. Once we talked about the strangeness of it all, that it had become so normal being just us and then all of a sudden wasn't and we'd adjusted to that too and then all of a sudden it was just us again--well, it was a bit of a welcome shock. For the first time in four months, we left the kids somewhere else--with a patient, experienced, foster parent offering respite care overnight so the two of us could celebrate our June anniversary a few months late, reconnect, and refill our patience bucket.<p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4JEfKQVYJ37KK_roGQMXQEKsuTn3AqYGO7bQM-1i4jhH0Y7q-dGrmsbq9hnbj91dewFlejJEf2tFmAw9PvSz064IIBBlr4-RHUNoNkQEYdMhAdjU2wqo_SeCxnqKld9uVrjCEI9Axc2PV1OI5z83k1nIJrYerxd6b5z-lSt86OOi1j0vuc6m89rNF/s4608/20221016_095808.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="4608" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4JEfKQVYJ37KK_roGQMXQEKsuTn3AqYGO7bQM-1i4jhH0Y7q-dGrmsbq9hnbj91dewFlejJEf2tFmAw9PvSz064IIBBlr4-RHUNoNkQEYdMhAdjU2wqo_SeCxnqKld9uVrjCEI9Axc2PV1OI5z83k1nIJrYerxd6b5z-lSt86OOi1j0vuc6m89rNF/s320/20221016_095808.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Someone asked a few weeks into this placement how we (the adults) were doing. Maybe it was that look of bewilderment in my eyes? I replied honestly, "Well, imagine if you had a life, home, spouse, job, friends, gym, activities, etc. that you are used to filling your time and space, and then you have two people who move in who are not guests but you want to make them comfortable and stock whatever foods they like and games and cozy things, and they don't have simple needs of just feeding and making sure they've got towels, but they are fully formed human beings with interests you don't know, and backgrounds you partially know, and personalities you don't know yet but are influenced by those backgrounds. And those two people move into your home and need food and shelter and loving care and don't know how to express their needs because they are children and also that's not something they've had the luxury of learning. But their life and all they've known and any family, friends, school, favorite restaurants, and all are far away and distant, and also the comfortable life you've made and known is uprooted and distant, and you're all just trying to figure out one another and be patient and loving and make sure people have the right kind of lunch meat and pillow cases that cool and don't scratch their faces and an endless supply of ketchup, and you're complete strangers to these people who are now tasked to look to you to provide them safety and security and care. A task they didn't ask for. And it's a really wild and scary and beautiful and relentlessly difficult and joyful thing--this transition."<p></p><p>So obviously, this was more than acquaintances wanted to hear, but it was my truth, and I'm learning to speak it. I suppose that's a surprise blessing of having kids in our homes and lives. We, as adults, get the opportunity to train and relay important principles to them but also by learning them ourselves. Some days it is just hard because of the nature of dealing with other people and those whose brains are still very much in development and those who haven't been taught and nurtured in some very specific and particular ways at crucial young stages of their lives, and sometimes it's hard because it is also a lesson in working through some of those lessons for my own lacking self. It's hard and beautiful and sometimes we need to also step away.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwkPUP_9IMu04rBIFqc5naHyUsGY7O2LbkVDTiRtHwp2Q3mSU26m_lk6vxG6w1pquFtT2xhtP7tGV_1_8QT78gWpA1Ae7fvW3SxSai0VPS6R_S9KdLEFqP4iJOz5rw37a_VFIQ1yeP7k4ptMLpdxcLteTuOl6voFyFYQbjiCA48T3u5kO_AtK0-6zd/s3968/20221015_151840.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1880" data-original-width="3968" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwkPUP_9IMu04rBIFqc5naHyUsGY7O2LbkVDTiRtHwp2Q3mSU26m_lk6vxG6w1pquFtT2xhtP7tGV_1_8QT78gWpA1Ae7fvW3SxSai0VPS6R_S9KdLEFqP4iJOz5rw37a_VFIQ1yeP7k4ptMLpdxcLteTuOl6voFyFYQbjiCA48T3u5kO_AtK0-6zd/s320/20221015_151840.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>We get a fuller picture of life and all when we've been able to sit on a couch binging books and shows and not filling someone's very current want or need, except our own. They are safe and cared for and learning that while we are apart, we still care; we will come back; other adults can be trusted; they are strong and can make it through this. And yet again, the adults are also learning these lessons. Wash, rinse, repeat. This is life lately.<p></p><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwmIhhoHgGdymHx9rvqozKO-SldJwSlTcOVcLddGjouhkogZ0HreYXsOn3SeEQxCDem9R5s_V9v9pTZA6lNUg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-79875514310600114872022-10-12T23:05:00.002-04:002022-10-13T09:05:15.649-04:00World Arthritis Day: Home Projects Edition<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Today is World Arthritis Day. I have severe arthritis in my leg and ankle due to an injury 15 years ago. I would like to share a few projects we have had done this year around the house to make my moving about a little easier. We bought this house nearly 6 years ago and knew we would like to live here long-term. There were (are) cosmetic, aesthetic, and maintenance projects we wanted to complete, but there were also a number of needs I realized that would help me function better in this house.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">First up, grab bars! WOOOO! This is the last set of the three bathrooms to have grab bars. This is also the third set because the first two sets from the company were a bit askew. These are actually in the guest bathroom downstairs, which usually only guests use unless we get COVID and I am living down there in isolation. They help immensely in getting in and out of the bath or shower. Now I also feel better about having guests stay, especially with some of them also having knee, back, hip, etc. issues.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6nzjrPWVHcLmMhSjPW1RNc_OHukTuwZPu5DbK0gdEXeS91jE7EEyiOiz8hZswyanE3EYGGZ5SUTmPmJcEG3JTdE8FDWPgisKzolLLH1YvGNSAA7gfkGQIv6ibr3d9wQE3FqLu_cxryF0Vd4txc5gCH8SHPUAOTV5_hAGyiz0XAtTtgyOqeVj-7TBg/s4032/20220907_095005.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6nzjrPWVHcLmMhSjPW1RNc_OHukTuwZPu5DbK0gdEXeS91jE7EEyiOiz8hZswyanE3EYGGZ5SUTmPmJcEG3JTdE8FDWPgisKzolLLH1YvGNSAA7gfkGQIv6ibr3d9wQE3FqLu_cxryF0Vd4txc5gCH8SHPUAOTV5_hAGyiz0XAtTtgyOqeVj-7TBg/s320/20220907_095005.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIGQj_yTLAbXINRFNxSnf_QMsVrxcj76uErIgbe4pstnYFlKWrJRDZp-pm8IEXvalbpoMfVcW-3wk1Lu1Vu7d2oX8YkEUKxmqj02i5ZMODFWQ3GvFwZw-12FwqiuGyVLbHNh7PLekJAsEybM3rGcC8q9AJfmV3-xy3OtjYylzme5NfT7viLcForymO/s4032/20220907_094953.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIGQj_yTLAbXINRFNxSnf_QMsVrxcj76uErIgbe4pstnYFlKWrJRDZp-pm8IEXvalbpoMfVcW-3wk1Lu1Vu7d2oX8YkEUKxmqj02i5ZMODFWQ3GvFwZw-12FwqiuGyVLbHNh7PLekJAsEybM3rGcC8q9AJfmV3-xy3OtjYylzme5NfT7viLcForymO/s320/20220907_094953.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The second project is the stair rail. One side of the initial stairs (from the house listing) is on the left and a more recent view of the left/wall side is on the right. There was a wooden rail along the wall. The section that is open in the picture had a metal rail with vertical bars. What you cannot see in the picture is that there was about 4' of wall at the top of the metal railing, where the wall is without a rail. Typically it is not necessary or even desired, unless the stairway is completely open, to have rails on each side. However, steps are pretty difficult for me and a rail is really useful to steady and also allow me to pull along a bit as I am going up the steps. Since my issue is the right side, the rail we had on the wall was sufficient (though I did not think it was very attractive and also did not match the other rail), but when I went up the stairs, I needed the rail extended all the way to the top. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYPsLaHz4PdyD-uYnXFWgNNvEVPYjW8-U7IKWCrJIFzCi5ZLGRyAYLbF8r4DUBX3tBqzzUZAsUpdIdgJS706DYKGzP5d250Co-gz3OCBcVCwLtf1S0C2ouYX3WaXWgz5UQgdLZ7oMp_Hy1ePWMrVbm9pjtlYsoWJ6neVjgeJyq_-60VtRPcKYA_Nx7/s1284/37557.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1284" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYPsLaHz4PdyD-uYnXFWgNNvEVPYjW8-U7IKWCrJIFzCi5ZLGRyAYLbF8r4DUBX3tBqzzUZAsUpdIdgJS706DYKGzP5d250Co-gz3OCBcVCwLtf1S0C2ouYX3WaXWgz5UQgdLZ7oMp_Hy1ePWMrVbm9pjtlYsoWJ6neVjgeJyq_-60VtRPcKYA_Nx7/s320/37557.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7dW-uAYt6GM3fzEyWpinZlDz8x646PnyATpPwFEBf1tSfYx4YncS0fsYGMNPkH8xlpX0VatxSk69LFqiB80eqZjMsrgN4kIwXCHgjTmBvetegX8ZsTi3paW_9yktyuuREe9ywQ3OuoSW0nBBPo7kkcgsiruQwHyzBLEtMsU5lY8j42D9tQesRQhTY/s4032/20220609_174816.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7dW-uAYt6GM3fzEyWpinZlDz8x646PnyATpPwFEBf1tSfYx4YncS0fsYGMNPkH8xlpX0VatxSk69LFqiB80eqZjMsrgN4kIwXCHgjTmBvetegX8ZsTi3paW_9yktyuuREe9ywQ3OuoSW0nBBPo7kkcgsiruQwHyzBLEtMsU5lY8j42D9tQesRQhTY/s320/20220609_174816.jpg" width="240" /></a><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2yBECUzSAlCVeks3Jvfn4nmeI33pVX5w4Q41YJXuS3_fXtUbMk1S7i8YkL1HeS2ehoHN5gfdYIlJUfFh4np49J0hA6KPXxZrsel_4yafblDReS_TPGU-5OorKM7uvb0lEPYM3cjZv40QQRHz3v856PgGYNRO3ToLWd9ZTthkvn-SELycGAS10Qm4I/s4608/20220614_203201.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4608" data-original-width="3456" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2yBECUzSAlCVeks3Jvfn4nmeI33pVX5w4Q41YJXuS3_fXtUbMk1S7i8YkL1HeS2ehoHN5gfdYIlJUfFh4np49J0hA6KPXxZrsel_4yafblDReS_TPGU-5OorKM7uvb0lEPYM3cjZv40QQRHz3v856PgGYNRO3ToLWd9ZTthkvn-SELycGAS10Qm4I/s320/20220614_203201.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>The picture of the installed rails are dark, but you can get the idea. (The shadows and direction of the picture make the steps look dirty, which they were not. They are also actually currently dirty, so now you know what it would look like if I had taken a picture tonight.).The rails match and the one on the left is a finger hold away from the wall and in the same area as the previous one. The one on the right has a similar rail a finger hold away from the way and extending from the rail in the open space. It is SO NICE to be able to use the rail all the way up the steps. Even when my parents visited, mom noticed and appreciated having the extra section of rail installed.</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-pxhL-yKNcDpEy66fAcr0LOqR8GZn_kr2kvT7GfRsQM8fc3xyu73BI5c3JAKkIvAFa1wXw0gu-U72dxKNKHNiWk7ShqiBtzKYH7dbRKxzv1HYMvM7pMtZQTHl-a1wK_f4dmqKGAeWW7rjU27KNZvsiQ_wjAum5S7XlmhFemqM85Oq1faahZsc4j6n/s4032/20221006_164259.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-pxhL-yKNcDpEy66fAcr0LOqR8GZn_kr2kvT7GfRsQM8fc3xyu73BI5c3JAKkIvAFa1wXw0gu-U72dxKNKHNiWk7ShqiBtzKYH7dbRKxzv1HYMvM7pMtZQTHl-a1wK_f4dmqKGAeWW7rjU27KNZvsiQ_wjAum5S7XlmhFemqM85Oq1faahZsc4j6n/s320/20221006_164259.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Finally, a MAJOR project I have wanted done since we toured the house the first time. The back patio was an eyesore. The concrete was old, stained, and had huge cracks. The concrete around the deck posts and base of the steps was also hideous. You cannot tell from the picture, but it also sloped a lot. From the left side of the patio to the right side, we had a nearly 20" drop. It was unlevel and uneven. There was a smaller section outside of our backdoor that dropped off several inches to the main part, which meant feet of little toddlers and people with walking issues easily got caught in the large cracks on the patio and the section going in and out of the door. The step off of the patio into the grass was too large for me to really use going down and especially in coming back up from the yard to the patio. Basically, I just did not use the patio or the yard. I still will have trouble going into the back yard because of the slope and unevenness and mainly because coming back up the slope will be really hard, but this project will at least let me use the patio. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1zP7X4GlMaji2pGdCAGMQO5thEoPnJXp_gLjQY6RkdqSuOsOvumWDtStcG05fWqNvvZ62WSwsp5pRshULjSbHSnzbP9fajvrm2oR1rtrifvXJWb5-8DOTCazvNxLjE3Gj2BSm8PzG2zBnwNcTgeGE4uP-0NDUbT2pqhf51-po_hHgrkllUWN-7KNd/s4032/20220829_083641.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1zP7X4GlMaji2pGdCAGMQO5thEoPnJXp_gLjQY6RkdqSuOsOvumWDtStcG05fWqNvvZ62WSwsp5pRshULjSbHSnzbP9fajvrm2oR1rtrifvXJWb5-8DOTCazvNxLjE3Gj2BSm8PzG2zBnwNcTgeGE4uP-0NDUbT2pqhf51-po_hHgrkllUWN-7KNd/s320/20220829_083641.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>The walkway from the driveway to the backyard was also very difficult to use. I wish I had a better picture, but you can see that the "steps" are large dirt areas between railroad ties. There were some cement pavers between each but just stepping stones meaning lots of dirt that was washed unevenly into dips and juts, and space between the stone, dirt, wood. Each step angled down maybe 10-15 degrees. The step from the pavement to the first dirt landing was much too large at about 14-16" riser height. It has been really difficult to use the path and most of the time, I would just avoid it and go back inside the house and down the back flight of stairs, which is also much less than ideal (lots of stairs, extra steps).</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">After countless discussions with contractors, signing contracts several years ago, contractors ghosting us, and on and on, one company came through. They listened to my needs, had a good plan, were friendly, and quoted a reasonable cost. They ended up being ready to begin before I had expected, and then came to drop materials and begin even before that! The team worked diligently for one week and knocked it out even sooner than I expected, communicated well throughout, and delivered exactly what I asked and hoped!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The large steps are now starting at the same height as the driveway, provide ample landing space, are level, have material filling between the rocks so feet do not catch as easily but also no ruts and grooves really for that to happen. We also finally hid the drainage from the downspout under the steps and down the hill, which looks better and hopefully helps stop some of the hill erosion (yes, we need more plants. We had some and took them out because they were not doing well. We have plans, but first, hardscape.)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg0kxrphLsiPXYQ3zc-UzVip5wQUoUsoApf--dkp5yLV9CUdkyGxdRTo3OF5MaG2Dnhw_5oHwc2dsf4ZvkBp7ulGHVxTFJ0487eFH6CUvORWoTJio9X0iHQcj9GcRsuxocH6SZGt3CxeONVA1hEhG6YKrUFCo8pAdwJcUMpKwiwIBpFQBMrJPs1CGp/s4032/20221010_152659.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg0kxrphLsiPXYQ3zc-UzVip5wQUoUsoApf--dkp5yLV9CUdkyGxdRTo3OF5MaG2Dnhw_5oHwc2dsf4ZvkBp7ulGHVxTFJ0487eFH6CUvORWoTJio9X0iHQcj9GcRsuxocH6SZGt3CxeONVA1hEhG6YKrUFCo8pAdwJcUMpKwiwIBpFQBMrJPs1CGp/s320/20221010_152659.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjyDHSQVRT-84xu6M4SUX7OqS3jbWYLGNLgFqUGgx9Xp5g3wQ5fnjUrPrgw1MqPqj2yaiPdokI_zdDXY8XeeAAQWNtBA5Sdr8g4D5rQPt6liPZmkUVz4VRDZ0LwnCKGAv1emNg2eILU_JS24FxPbfFAjDDzvd5388ZWPcXJ2D4vXuXnrLkpxaUu0UC/s4032/20221012_093039.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjyDHSQVRT-84xu6M4SUX7OqS3jbWYLGNLgFqUGgx9Xp5g3wQ5fnjUrPrgw1MqPqj2yaiPdokI_zdDXY8XeeAAQWNtBA5Sdr8g4D5rQPt6liPZmkUVz4VRDZ0LwnCKGAv1emNg2eILU_JS24FxPbfFAjDDzvd5388ZWPcXJ2D4vXuXnrLkpxaUu0UC/s320/20221012_093039.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">AND LOOK AT THAT HANDRAIL! We did not have a rail before, and this was a must for me. Next up is likely some lighting. We also have a trash enclosure that will house the bins to keep from blowing around, and move them out from under a tree that is annoying every time we need to take trash and recycling to the bins or bins to and from the road for pickup. It is also exciting because it moves the bins from the driveway to give us more space in the driveway for cars and visitors. We'll paint the rails to match our backyard fence after they dry out in the spring.</div></div></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv22M_0Ch2mvbgYHdtqcRo5dQijAzRmblw8w4uDhLBacPr_FbYRXCG3eeLcBBQuqBLLXlNzZ6On_IgNChvNEwZ7r2dMlsK4KwQvQDmb9hXYRQYkI7pCvYxrzoDQu5pLBRXneiSanUS4ejuMcXvY0VA4i5KxkYIlWybg9NgPVsd91xTzy31foYHPnaE/s4608/20221012_155350.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4608" data-original-width="3456" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv22M_0Ch2mvbgYHdtqcRo5dQijAzRmblw8w4uDhLBacPr_FbYRXCG3eeLcBBQuqBLLXlNzZ6On_IgNChvNEwZ7r2dMlsK4KwQvQDmb9hXYRQYkI7pCvYxrzoDQu5pLBRXneiSanUS4ejuMcXvY0VA4i5KxkYIlWybg9NgPVsd91xTzy31foYHPnaE/s320/20221012_155350.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh11ARi8t9sj4zNcT-isHp4HONEaK-i0alFrofMrVgTQuWHMpnyzRFRntIceT7-SZf6V7E0cOR4IH0D7MTjHDvD7vbKF2-46p1VQd1wJeq9xgfT-Wkqk3d7olkrs8qjhm_XioP4q31qdVl1P1B_LT5nxi7voHI6dgmDp3yotwy4fmg0_fWSFFsBHL7S/s4608/20221012_155342.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="4608" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh11ARi8t9sj4zNcT-isHp4HONEaK-i0alFrofMrVgTQuWHMpnyzRFRntIceT7-SZf6V7E0cOR4IH0D7MTjHDvD7vbKF2-46p1VQd1wJeq9xgfT-Wkqk3d7olkrs8qjhm_XioP4q31qdVl1P1B_LT5nxi7voHI6dgmDp3yotwy4fmg0_fWSFFsBHL7S/s320/20221012_155342.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji_pRuH8jpxS1RdvStSPhUrknzwC8_wC1hfJJ0zrIMa5PUkV9U-jZqIAdaGJJfHHCPsdbM8MEx_jnbJWJGAIxM6ECLu7ZxZ39j_1XQQw0oTewqWTAYsYCANi2jPBnQOVaj3WDjFaXOXE1zm5FEL31SXdXJYcKtkYJ1IcRZ573WhrF7-s7W01FyrFbu/s4608/20221011_180806.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="4608" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji_pRuH8jpxS1RdvStSPhUrknzwC8_wC1hfJJ0zrIMa5PUkV9U-jZqIAdaGJJfHHCPsdbM8MEx_jnbJWJGAIxM6ECLu7ZxZ39j_1XQQw0oTewqWTAYsYCANi2jPBnQOVaj3WDjFaXOXE1zm5FEL31SXdXJYcKtkYJ1IcRZ573WhrF7-s7W01FyrFbu/s320/20221011_180806.jpg" width="320" /></a>Finally, let's take a look at that beautiful patio! My goodness, it is so vastly different than it was (yes, there's stuff in the yard and dust from the construction, and these are not pictures for a magazine). The patio is level, even, lovely, has a seating wall, has a firepit!, and there is a step off of the right side and a step off of it in the center toward the garden bed. It looks so nice. That makes me happy. But the walkway and patio are now usable for me, so I am just ecstatic.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thanks for journeying along with how I am finding ways to maneuver my little world.</div></div>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-84556950015246947202022-10-10T20:25:00.000-04:002022-10-10T20:25:04.212-04:00My in laws are geniuses, and so can you.<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU5wmpzTMi8hH-6-9vIRZ46CWum8cVKVugVKexJ06sV1KpSd_w0qi3kpfIpFiQ4oCCbwR3uKFkDkfyM71ymBgqPFIn24imKL1nzoHQhc1Xe2XVtuIdAbrzkFTrjof2UfglN8QIB2hGgCu0RPVQKGN-AR2b4OgL2I1pKgjvtfJ4uK--5jTXKdH0rH8U/s3349/food-photographer-jennifer-pallian-OfdDiqx8Cz8-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3349" data-original-width="2678" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU5wmpzTMi8hH-6-9vIRZ46CWum8cVKVugVKexJ06sV1KpSd_w0qi3kpfIpFiQ4oCCbwR3uKFkDkfyM71ymBgqPFIn24imKL1nzoHQhc1Xe2XVtuIdAbrzkFTrjof2UfglN8QIB2hGgCu0RPVQKGN-AR2b4OgL2I1pKgjvtfJ4uK--5jTXKdH0rH8U/w320-h400/food-photographer-jennifer-pallian-OfdDiqx8Cz8-unsplash.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@foodess?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Food Photographer | Jennifer Pallian</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/divide-cookie?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></i></span></td></tr></tbody></table>My husband had shared one of his parents' principles when we were dating or at least a long time ago, which I had nearly forgotten until a couple of weeks ago when he pulls out the same principle and demonstrated himself as a parenting genius. </p><p>You see, we had cookies leftover from an event days before. After dinner, we told the kids they could split the one remaining cookie. One excitedly divided the cookie, clearly in her favor, but as she held out the broken all to pieces small shred of a cookie that was left to her brother, Matt interjected, "(brother's name), you get to pick which cookie you want."</p><p>One kid got the joy of dividing the cookie thinking she was going to get to keep the bigger, better, whole piece for herself, and when she did not, it was a sad! day! Nevermind the fact she still got a portion of the cookie and broken cookies taste the same as unbroken cookies. She did not think that it was fair that she was stuck with the cookie crumbles she'd tried to offer her brother. (I totally get it, because a lot of times I find my heart being very stingy.) Matt talked about how we need to be generous with others and not stingy and how letting one split the cookie and the other pick the piece they wanted was actually more fair than the way she was hoping to manage the distribution. </p><p>Sure, the adults could have divided the cookie and just given each kid a nearly equal piece, but this is a genius approach to and lesson for letting kids practice dividing items and generosity. </p><p>Many thanks to Matt's parents for instilling this lesson so we can pass it along.</p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-87984762150048064042022-09-27T18:09:00.001-04:002022-09-27T18:09:24.144-04:00Well, it's been a year.Today marks one year of the beginning of two of the hardest months of our lives. While I cannot divulge details that would provide more context or allow you to understand, know I have spent this year thinking about our first placement, where he might be now and how he might be doing, what an impossible situation he was placed in, and all of the ways that people may have supported him differently or better. We are not exempt.<br /><br />Yet, that experience and knowing him has led Matt and I to be very clear about when we needed to be on hold from taking placements, clarifying questions to ask, and given us the ability (somehow) to give a hard and fast “no” to some referral calls for multiple reasons. It has given us a different perspective on difficult situations and made us look for microscopic change and progress. We have become more attuned to needs and the expressions of them, even if we are not super stars at addressing them (yet?). It gave me the chance to focus on the smallest of small wins. I look around when I am out and about in our state, wondering if we will ever run into him. Or if I would recognize him since teens have a tendency to experiment with hair and dress. God, I hope so. <br /><br />I am less angry at “the system” than I was for months. Now I have met DSS workers and agencies that seem to be the polar opposite of those we dealt with last year. I have more empathy for those who have experienced some of what our teen had, and I find myself signing onto petitions, submitting comments on public policies, and looking at certain issues on campaign platforms. We spend our dollars on those issues as well because non-profits are often doing the heavy work of community care. <br /><br />People always respond that he’ll remember the love and care he received in our home, and while that is an awfully nice sentiment, I just don’t think it reflects what actually happened in our home, before our home, or even since then. I have to be okay with that. We were a small piece of his life.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-25492350260291846402022-07-22T21:26:00.002-04:002022-07-22T21:26:27.703-04:00Someone else's children <p>When you are a foster parent, or a resource parent as our agency calls us, you are aware you are taking care of someone else's children. But some days or weeks-like this one has been for me-you are hyperaware of that fact.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijk5VaGrGTNf9jCo7cKqYjWZQrAlCafV2ug6Ri8J7YNLHani-I6I632VJT4zalzLlCfBwe2ELBLwsCc8Xyq1i_PwMWRTvp3AmWhA4tb0JDzW5iOXfwMIoah5KvoShl3Y_pA3plUpIcsJ1u6m9Yf9SKMgbq3kSQFzgi1ku0krYR18Cot0aBLCK7GtEe/s4032/20220720_210609.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijk5VaGrGTNf9jCo7cKqYjWZQrAlCafV2ug6Ri8J7YNLHani-I6I632VJT4zalzLlCfBwe2ELBLwsCc8Xyq1i_PwMWRTvp3AmWhA4tb0JDzW5iOXfwMIoah5KvoShl3Y_pA3plUpIcsJ1u6m9Yf9SKMgbq3kSQFzgi1ku0krYR18Cot0aBLCK7GtEe/s320/20220720_210609.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I think about the parents who are not tucking their children into bed or reading them stories. I think about whether they would have been able to send them to day camp day after day while they worked. I gently work the bristles of a brush through long tangly, been swimming and playing games all day hair and know that a parent watched that little head go from soft, fuzzy baby hair to a similarly tangly mess that we are working with in the evenings.<p></p><p>I think about the support, encouragement, and all the types of care we have received, and I have wondered if the biological family had the care and support of friends and family gathering around them and boosting them up.</p><p>I think about all that we are learning about these littles, the rules and boundaries we repeat, the lunches we pack, the hugs we give, the chatting about our days, all of the things, and I am so incredibly aware of the complex relationship this is for everyone involved.</p><p>This post does not have a tidy ending because parenting someone else's children is never that simple.</p><p></p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-3653143648541283492022-06-02T22:01:00.000-04:002022-06-02T22:01:42.945-04:00Safety first<p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdmYwmifiFdgANanmpjAFLiTrcrMCYii7hzZA7Cv7lEMqXBTUlHHFlhELEjV7nHXIEOFGp7sbkG38eJv4SnBPFUhFlcf7o7NdlRkcmJaJKDT8CC11jBiOcJOmkslLeqfVEimM2b0Jpcm9ZvD8XlDWXrLqJsbW2Nxq9tM69_oM4SLq_3VWejaiYLONA/s640/muhammad-zaqy-al-fattah-Lexcm-6FHRU-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="640" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdmYwmifiFdgANanmpjAFLiTrcrMCYii7hzZA7Cv7lEMqXBTUlHHFlhELEjV7nHXIEOFGp7sbkG38eJv4SnBPFUhFlcf7o7NdlRkcmJaJKDT8CC11jBiOcJOmkslLeqfVEimM2b0Jpcm9ZvD8XlDWXrLqJsbW2Nxq9tM69_oM4SLq_3VWejaiYLONA/s320/muhammad-zaqy-al-fattah-Lexcm-6FHRU-unsplash.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@dizzydizz?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Muhammad Zaqy Al Fattah</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/lock?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></td></tr></tbody></table>Today we had our annual home inspection for our foster agency. All throughout the year we attend or participate in trainings on various related topics to being a foster parent or particular situations, even when we do not currently have a placement. We have the annual home inspection to ensure we are still meeting the standards. This includes checking our vehicle maintenance, inspection, insurance verification, and registration; dog's rabies and vaccination record and meeting the dog; reviewing the bedrooms registered as rooms where we may have kids and bunk beds, closets, egress points, etc. We walk around the house and our worker checks all the cabinets and closets that may have cleaning or other toxic chemicals to see the shelf they are on and that there are locks or child proof devices on the doors. We show any alcohol and how it is stored. We show all the medication storage box locations and how they are stored and locked. We go to the workshop downstairs and the shed out back to see the locks barring access to tools and similar items that we would not want a child to have open access. If we had firearms in our home, there is a longer list of safety requirements and checks. As well there should be.</p><p>For a long time, and especially this past couple of weeks, I have thought about access to firearms. I am not here to talk about calling your representatives or to debate whether or not people should be able to own firearms. I am here to encourage the safe storage and handling of them within your home and when your children visit others' homes.</p><p>If you own firearms, it is the responsible thing to do to take safety courses and to invest in child access prevention. Guns should be stored securely, meaning locked, unloaded, and away from ammunition. Approximately 54% of gun owners do not store their guns safely (Murrow, S. “More than half of U.S. gun owners do not safely store their guns, survey finds”. John Hopkins University. (2018). <a href="https://bit.ly/3ivTVba">https://bit.ly/3ivTVba</a>) and 4.6 MILLION children live in homes with at least one loaded and unlocked firearm (M<a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2021.48823">atthew Miller and Deborah Azrael, “Firearm Storage in US Households with Children: Findings from the 2021 National Firearm Survey,” JAMA Network Open 5, no. 2 (2022): e2148823.</a>) This protects your children, visitors in your home, and also makes it less likely they will be stolen and used. </p><p>Speaking of visiting homes, have an open and honest conversation with those who your child may visit. When we had a teen in the fall, he wanted to spend the night at a friend's house one weekend. I talked to friend's mom, and I realized though she had a couple of older kids who have had many people visit or spend the night, she had rarely been asked questions. Be ready with your questions:</p><p>What will they eat and do I need to send child with food, beverage, pillow, blanket, etc.? Who else will be in the home? Where will they sleep? Do you have a policy about locking or leaving doors open or who will have access to the sleeping area? Do you have alcohol or drugs in the house, and if so, where is it kept, how is it stored, is it locked, does your kid know where it is, does your kid know where the lock is or will anyone be able to access it? How are your medications stored? Do you have pets? Are you planning to leave home with them in your vehicle? If you have to leave and the kids stay home, will they be able to reach you? Do you have firearms in the house, and if so, how many, what type, where are they located, how are they stored, are they locked and away from the ammunition, does your kid know how to access them?<br /></p><p>You may wish to add your own questions. Often, we feel we know someone and may know how they run their household, but unless you can confidently answer these questions for a household your child will visit, I encourage you to have these discussions. </p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-19643606925850673932022-05-25T22:38:00.001-04:002022-05-25T22:38:12.909-04:00So. Many. Calls. (Foster Care Awareness Month)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYWFAN3Iz3Ws2BlwndDl5Tqk_RJZ8oKiJ2cQERQ5W7Dd66X0N4vWccEn2bVeRe41ldzc6e7KjUJ20V6fa1Q4lctFRV_uB_X3jT3lTeWXh4anhx6WjvPgYkt5rSxw0SFcGjsQGPlIw9acLCEmHCSPo8aUBTLGSApWt3P1wJ4OO0qfCTKreiRIuUbE-L/s1112/morning%20bluebird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="painted cartoon looking bluebird on flower stem" border="0" data-original-height="1112" data-original-width="810" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYWFAN3Iz3Ws2BlwndDl5Tqk_RJZ8oKiJ2cQERQ5W7Dd66X0N4vWccEn2bVeRe41ldzc6e7KjUJ20V6fa1Q4lctFRV_uB_X3jT3lTeWXh4anhx6WjvPgYkt5rSxw0SFcGjsQGPlIw9acLCEmHCSPo8aUBTLGSApWt3P1wJ4OO0qfCTKreiRIuUbE-L/w146-h200/morning%20bluebird.jpg" width="146" /></a></div>May is Foster Care Awareness Month, and there are a few days left to vote for bluebirds or bid in the auction to benefit children in foster care. You can vote or bid at http://thebluebirdproject.org/bluebird-art-2022/. Here's a crop of the little one I painted and submitted--just for interest in the post and in no way suggesting to vote for or bid on mine. I keep getting outbid on my faves. ha.<br /><p></p><p>So, foster care. There are multiple agencies in my town, and that is fairly common due to the sheer number of children in need of a safe and loving home. We have had so many referrals over the past few months. It is surprising and sad how often we get a call. Many we have been unable to accept for various reasons. A couple we said yes to but so did other families who were a better fit for some reason or other.</p><p>In just the past 2 weeks...When I went out of town for work a couple of weeks ago, we had been discussing a referral and said yes the day I left. The child would need to go to a short-term situation for a couple of days and then to us when I returned. Obviously it is better if they can just find a placement that does not have to be interrupted. We barely had found out that the child would have a different placement when they called with another referral. We went back and forth due to the situation and some logistical issues, finally determined we would be unable to accept the placement and told our agency working, and before you know it, we were called with another referral. Our average right now is just over one referral per week, which may be even more if we were not in middle of considering or working out details for other referrals. Also, because we have certain characteristics we are or are not able to support and because the agency workers have met us and done a thorough review of us and our home and because we go through one agency that also has a particular focus, we are not even receiving most calls.</p><p>So many children are in need. </p><p>A month or so ago we got a referral that was kind of interesting in where it came from and why it did not go through a certain local agency. We were told that agency, the largest in our area, currently had NO homes taking children over the age of 8. That could be because many families who do offer foster care offer it for babies and young children. Or it could be that all the families who are accepting children of older ages are already fostering and basically it is a busting at the seams problem. </p><p>So many children are in need.</p><p>If you have ever thought about offering foster care, now is a great time to get more information! You can sign up for short-term, long-term, foster to adoption, or even just respite care to offer foster families an afternoon or night break or to deal with a need like a hospital stay. There are many ways to provide care or support those who do or support efforts that would keep families together when possible to prevent a need for care.</p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-47398122226623356712022-05-10T22:57:00.002-04:002022-05-10T22:59:50.197-04:00brief stories of foster care<p>One of the questions people have wanted to ask and also know they can't really ask is about the child's situation or reason for coming into care. While I cannot share about a specific child, I can share situations in general--those for past referral calls we have had or friends have had. Every time we get a referral, it is emotionally taxing. The anxiety of a call, new situation, having to think through whether you are able to support that child's need(s), etc. But especially being emotionally wrung out by knowing what a child has gone through or is going through. My natural inclination is to be sad but also self-protect by not wanting to know more, not to digging in more; it is hard to look at and know of someone's pain. We fight our natural inclination and we sit in it, listening to a story, and we are saddened. We pray for the child. Whether or not we will be able to say yes to a referral, we think of the child for days, weeks, months. I still think of many calls we had in those early days about a year ago. These are a few, very brief referrals we and those we know have received.</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>A pre-schooler left home alone all day in a pull up and whatever food and drink child could get their hands on</li><li>An elementary aged kid who witnessed one parent brutally kill the other parent and then had to go "rescue" a younger sibling and get them to safety</li><li>Multiple kids of all ages and families who have been dealing with gender identity questions and rejected by their family</li><li>Several kids of incarcerated parents</li><li>So much sexual abuse</li><li>So much neglect</li><li>Kids living with kinship/family placements due to some reason, but the kinship placement is also harming the child</li><li>Multiple kids with parents who were on drugs. Some were there during injections, some only saw after effects, some found parent who had ODed, some used as bargaining chips or payment for various drugs, some taught to administer drug or help in some other way with taking or dealing</li><li>A 6 year old who came with instructions to hide all knives and sharp objects. Suicidal ideation does not appear at that age without something significant going on</li><li>Multiple kids with a lot of special needs that the families were unable to care for</li><li>Kids from a family who had lost a home</li><li>Child of parents whose own medical needs prevented them from caring for child</li></ul><div>Of course, this is only a selection of stories to give you an idea of the many stories of children in foster care. It ought not to be this way. But we live in a world where these are true. </div><div><br /></div><div>May is Foster Care Awareness Month.</div><p></p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-83779486327368534672022-03-30T20:05:00.002-04:002022-03-30T20:05:46.152-04:00When the world is heavy, or light, and all the days in between<p>Sometimes it feels like the world is a bit too much. I wanted to share a prayer that came to my inbox as a subscriber of Reverend Nadia Bolz-Weber's The Corners. She was asked to share a prayer on Jennifer Garner's Instagram live, which I encourage you to actually listen along at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/tv/Cbpz3-qgaRd/" target="_blank">this link</a>. You can read the transcript of the prayer below or link over to her The Corners post by clicking on the title.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "SF Compact Display", -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol"; line-height: 1.16em; margin: 1em 0px 0.625em; text-align: left;"></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://thecorners.substack.com/p/the-lords-prayer-extended-dance-mix?s=r" target="_blank">The Lord’s Prayer (extended dance mix)</a></h2><figure style="display: inline-block; margin: 0px auto; width: 549.993px;"><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 8px auto; width: 100%px;"><tbody><tr><td style="margin: 0px; text-align: center;"></td><td align="left" style="margin: 0px; text-align: center;" width="144"><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://email.mg1.substack.com/c/eJxVUkuOpDAMPU2xA5FfhSyyaI0010AmMVTUkDBJ6B769GOK1UiR7djP9pNtBxWXlE-7p1KbS4z13NFG_C4r1oq5OQrmMXgr5ZNpwVTjba-501MTyjhnxA3Capv9mNbgoIYULzQXWojmZWdB0LlHrwyi7uUAwmg2P7UEJ71kd084fMDo0OIX5jNFbFb7qnUvD_Hx4L_pOR-7ckylgvvsXNrIFTZYkPSM1b0uTWVqevBff25DfCwpefrP67jntGQsJXwh-UtF3CnjbsHV1URdbUhMh_tEiucWezVNbpDtBCBaKTS2RrGhBT8JPqHWZpBdER1s8JMifJebF9W4Z_E23yTL21Rc9BL83HoU0Eo9m9YMwrTcMPBcMuYHMTIp_7Juj0sTLO857wWFDVP9s-Odf0pjZq_RkEdr1UE6xHy-wkP228L-G1CT7U_YNswbxA6izwjdRrjlWtcbQCxH0tsRQz1HjDCt6G3NBzb1vof3ascFI2a6Ez9CtewpBzUwIYmoupdH21aMK6WEaYiBT5QVbX2hS5kyyz8Ye8cY&source=gmail&ust=1648768268802000&usg=AOvVaw1zdjDSy2vFdqUo3amJ45m4" href="https://email.mg1.substack.com/c/eJxVUkuOpDAMPU2xA5FfhSyyaI0010AmMVTUkDBJ6B769GOK1UiR7djP9pNtBxWXlE-7p1KbS4z13NFG_C4r1oq5OQrmMXgr5ZNpwVTjba-501MTyjhnxA3Capv9mNbgoIYULzQXWojmZWdB0LlHrwyi7uUAwmg2P7UEJ71kd084fMDo0OIX5jNFbFb7qnUvD_Hx4L_pOR-7ckylgvvsXNrIFTZYkPSM1b0uTWVqevBff25DfCwpefrP67jntGQsJXwh-UtF3CnjbsHV1URdbUhMh_tEiucWezVNbpDtBCBaKTS2RrGhBT8JPqHWZpBdER1s8JMifJebF9W4Z_E23yTL21Rc9BL83HoU0Eo9m9YMwrTcMPBcMuYHMTIp_7Juj0sTLO857wWFDVP9s-Odf0pjZq_RkEdr1UE6xHy-wkP228L-G1CT7U_YNswbxA6izwjdRrjlWtcbQCxH0tsRQz1HjDCt6G3NBzb1vof3ascFI2a6Ez9CtewpBzUwIYmoupdH21aMK6WEaYiBT5QVbX2hS5kyyz8Ye8cY" rel="" style="border: none; color: #1155cc; display: block; height: auto; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; width: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="CToWUd" height="1" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/proxy/AVvXsEjfOggdjbYEfEmlHWbiyOjXcYb5XwmT3WJz_ukkTZz6OMtmG46z-fufFgG2tef8kIitMbz7SBIVlwz_1QRQEtgP_mBm0M3kdxG5iSpARIGX8oXEuaIifj8OZaJpHEiLjfe8cfHUiMFn49OJPc3nryFBLO2E0jJ2Q6cCfPPEfilupAnUsQAPgZZ0UTrD4C9qFi0wXPPMErajWPIvz69q9HZTlfiqqJjlWOaF8M-HjfXpyIgyZ63__obrGXyZmsMjU-LaNoxnR1ATQedjYnLRv61AUEErcsFDllewQVnktCWpEIiR_fkfob6tEuKJUgtVm94YM__pIHKKo1nKg1eFSy0tsymD4ceCYPldT9FVoPm6MQlUIl4vjLRDa055pk3Q36hed63_7uFkf0BBKmqF=s0-d-e1-ft,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F52304adf-de3a-47f9-9839-291ad2411d83_144x1.png" style="border: none !important; display: block; height: auto; margin: 0px auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="144" /></a></td><td style="margin: 0px; text-align: center;"></td></tr></tbody></table></figure><p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;">-by Rev. Nadia Bolz-Weber</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;"><strong>Our Father</strong>, Our Mother, Our Holy Parent, The Source of All Being from whom we came and to whom we return, You who knows us better than we know ourselves. Jesus called you Abba and so shall we, even as we may have an ambiguous relationship with parenthood - Be to us our Holy Parent, the one who loves without condition.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;"><strong>Who art in heaven,</strong> Our Father who art in everything. Our Father who art in orphanages and neonatal units, and jail cells and luxury high-rises, who art in law offices and adult book stores, and who art in rooms alone with suicidal people. Our Father who art in the halls of Congress and the halls of tenements.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;"><strong>Hallowed be thy name</strong>. Holy is your name. Ever since the beginning we have attributed our own ego and wishful thinking and greed and malice and racism and ambition and manipulations of others to you and to your name – and yet your name remains holy. We print “In God we trust” on the US dollar and then worship that dollar and the power that dollar brings us, and yet still, your name remains holy.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;"><strong>Thy kingdom come,</strong> God, right now we beg you to bring more than just a small measure of heaven to earth because, if you haven’t noticed, we are in a global pandemic, and there are unjust wars waged on innocent people in Yemen, Ethiopia and Ukraine - not to mention, the Earth is on fire. It’s a mess down here, Lord, So, we need your Kingdom to speed the hell up. We need wise leaders, and just systems and an extra dose of compassion for all of us.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;"><strong>Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven</strong>. Thy will and not ours be done. Forgive us when we use prayer as a self-help technique by which we can get all the cash and prizes we want out of your divine vending machine if we just kind of bug you to death through ceaseless prayer, because when it comes down to it, we know better. You are our Father whose name is holy and whose love is boundless and who - as our holy Parent – wants to hear our prayers.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;"><strong>Give us today our daily bread. </strong>Give us today our daily bread, our daily naan, our daily tortillas, our daily rice. Lord, give us real bread, even when we keep reaching for those literal and metaphorical Krispy Kremes. Give us the gift of enough-ness. May our response to perceived scarcity always be increased generosity for we are your children and from you we receive everything. Give us today our desire for the neighbor to be fed. Give us today a desire for a good that is held in common..</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;"><strong>And forgive us our sins. As we forgive those who sin against us. </strong>Forgive us when we hate what you love. Forgive us when we would rather anesthetize ourselves than feel anything. Forgive us for how much we resent in others the same things we hate in ourselves Forgive us for the terrible things we think about our own bodies, bodies you have made in your image. And this one is hard, but please forgive us for thinking we know the hearts of our enemies.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;"><strong>And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. </strong>Deliver us from the inclination that we too do not have evil in our hearts. Deliver us from religious and national exceptionalism. Deliver us from addiction and depression. Deliver us from self-loathing. Deliver us from self- righteousness. Deliver us from high fructose corn syrup. Deliver us from a complete lack of imagination about where you are in our lives and how you might already be showing up. Deliver us from complacency. Deliver us from Complicity.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;">As Jesus taught us, we are throwing this bag of prayers at your door. We are not asking nicely, Lord. We are your children and we are claiming your promises as our own today. Some of us are holding your feet to the fire, some of us don’t know if we believe in you, some of us are distracted and just going through the motions, some are desperately in love with you....but all of us are your children. <em>Use these prayers to hammer us all into vessels that can accept the answer when it comes.</em> <strong>For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever.</strong></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;">And the children of God say, AMEN.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;">BENEDICTION:</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;">Receive this blessing: Go forth into the world in peace. Be of good courage. Hold fast that which is good. Render to no one evil for evil. Strengthen the faint-hearted; support the weak; help the afflicted; honor all people. And the blessing of the Triune God, Eternal Majesty, Incarnate Word, and Abiding Spirit rest upon you this day and remain with you forever.<br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;"><strong style="font-family: "SF Compact Display", -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol"; font-size: medium;">Amen.</strong></p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-8897398747429847082022-03-20T22:41:00.001-04:002022-03-20T22:41:41.971-04:00A mother's touchI have been dealing with a lot of neck and back pain for the past couple of months, which apparently is from a slipped disc in my neck that has been coming on for a long time. Most days start and end with ice and ice a few times in between and a lot of time flat on my back. There are a number of exercises and stretches throughout the day, especially when I have been sitting for a bit. This is all just the back story (pun not intended).<div><br /></div><div>My parents came to visit this weekend. We had a nice time just hanging around the house. This morning we went to church, where I've taken to sitting on the back (again, pun not intended) pew to give myself the opportunity to get up and move about or stretch. At one point, I was shifting around in the seat, uncomfortable, lightly stretching forward, and mom reached over to rub my back. I was immediately taken back (also, pun not intended, but now it's getting amusing) 35 years to us also sitting on a back pew with her hands rubbing my back. Briefly in my mind, I thought that as an adult I didn't need mom rubbing my back, but in that moment, it was the exact thing I needed.</div><div><br /></div><div>There is something about a mom's touch that is so soothing. There is something about her noticing when we are hurting and making the smallest, loving gesture that doesn't take away your pain, but makes it a little better for a few minutes. I hope to always remember those days.</div>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7142171301111524324.post-20072222470038729592022-02-16T21:32:00.001-05:002022-02-16T21:32:51.769-05:00A winter fostering non-update update<p>Several weeks ago, I had a call out of the blue one afternoon at work. It was the teen who was with us in the fall. It was so good to hear how he has been doing and catch up. Then I heard from him again the following day, and on the third day, we had a Zoom call together and with Matt. It gave us all some closure for his time with us in the fall, but it also opened the door to discussing whether he could come back to our home. After more than a week of talking to our agency and DSS, it was determined that he could not return to our home. There are so many details I cannot share, but I can share that I've been mad at DSS again. I am sure they have their reasons for choices they are making, but when we all are recommending or asking for certain services for the benefit of the child, and they shrug their shoulders and say no, it is just infuriating. Our agency also pulled support for this case due to these decisions. So, that's how the past month has been! Matt and I continue to pray for him and hope DSS finds him another loving home and a good situation. He knows how to reach us, and that we are open to future contact.</p><p>After this was mostly settled, our agency reached out to half-jokingly ask whether we are ready to go back on the list. We are open again and for now, for mostly short-term placements. There are multiple reasons a child might need a short-term placement. It could be to offer respite care for another foster family, like an overnight or weekend. It could be due to a foster family member needing medical care or traveling out of town to care for another family member. It could be a single foster family household with COVID and a child needing to be away from the parent. It could be a child entering foster care due to an emergency removal and needing a home between that and a long-term household placement. There are many situations which could lead to a child needing somewhere to stay for a day or week. <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgSPU0egeowC8QSw5IXIoMh9ZeUq78BRiAjWmIVffHvbRXNhSdcot9Tj49wcbx-t_PAy-tbwP1EAALyG3ToDfGwh1929DNXCyMrwASWHbYAufDXYuwp5pLG-vOnlhcNpJl1_lRC8vJXaoxUbUzUEUkxwCuWdGqDEaaVMKBd-JQ3Rk_ZkJFpr09U-LB8=s3527" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2928" data-original-width="3527" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgSPU0egeowC8QSw5IXIoMh9ZeUq78BRiAjWmIVffHvbRXNhSdcot9Tj49wcbx-t_PAy-tbwP1EAALyG3ToDfGwh1929DNXCyMrwASWHbYAufDXYuwp5pLG-vOnlhcNpJl1_lRC8vJXaoxUbUzUEUkxwCuWdGqDEaaVMKBd-JQ3Rk_ZkJFpr09U-LB8=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Chewie hiding in his blanket echoing my feelings this month.</i></span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></p><p>Another concern we have been discussing since last month is due to a new governor in Virginia. Mask usage officially goes out of the window at most schools this week. I am not willing to debate anyone on mandates, freedom, vaccines, or other aspects of the virus. I am simply sharing our perspective as foster parents. We are concerned about children who we may be caring for, who also are not "ours" but will be living with us. Most of our age range overlaps with the current vaccine eligibility; however, obtaining a vaccination is subject to the biological parents' decision and the state guidelines and then DSS. It is unlikely that any kiddo in our care will be vaccinated. Now we are told that we can send them to school where many do not see a need to wear a mask to prevent potential virus spread and kids are going in and out of classes due to encounters and quarantine. Parents who are able to make some decisions for their kids already feel pretty helpless in these COVID times, and as foster parents, we see some of that and feel like we're just throwing our hands up and hoping for the best. I guess that is all we can do at this point since many have made it very clear that their comfort is more important than others' safety.</p>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08101782979228874318noreply@blogger.com0